Words escape me.

A local man I know committed suicide Friday.

He was a guy whom I'd classify as a cordial acquaintance. I guess you could call us friends. We didn't really hang out together, but our children had common interests that put us together on a semiregular basis. We got along well and he went to high school with virtually everyone I know in town.

His son, who is the same age as my daughter, has had chronic medical problems. He also has a daughter who is in fourth or fifth grade. He was going through a divorce, and I guess all the accumulated problems became too much for him to take.

I don't suppose I'm different from anyone else; I have my share of problems, and I'm taking this kind of hard. He was a guy who seemed to have it together in spite of the problems -- I didn't know he was going through the divorce until I heard about his deat -- but I guess he was so accustomed to getting his way he couldn't figure another way out of all these things.

Having written a story about suicide survivors, I'm hurting for his children. This is something they'll carry with them the rest of their lives, and that's a tough thought to take. I honestly don't know what to make of his wife, not knowing details (and they're none of my business) of their situation.

We've had threads on here through the years about depression and self-destructive thoughts. I think the general theme from previous threads bears repeating: If you feel you're nearing a breaking point, please get help. There's a better answer than my friend chose.

 

A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

 

Not sure for many people they feel the problem is temporary. I think it's the frustration that the problem never seems to improve that leads one into believing that it will never get better.

 

It isn't a solution at all.

 

One of my best friends in high school shot himself our senior year. That happened about a year after another good friend died while rock climbing.

No, my high school years weren't a barrel of laughs.

 

Of course not, but to the people killing themselves, they think it is.

 

NW: Condolences on your loss.

 

Sorry to hear that, nw---incredibly sad news. My thoughts and prayers to you, and as you mentioned, his children. Horrible for young children to lose a parent, even more so like this.

 

Amen Baron.

A family member committed suicide 11 years ago after long battles with both physical and mental ailments. Left behind two daughters aged eight and five, not to mention her husband who had the patience of Job. I was furious with her and initially refused to go to the funeral but later relented.

A family friend blew himself away in his car about 7-8 years ago. Similar story, left behind a beautiful, picture-perfect family, had more money than he could have ever spent, etc., etc. Again, I was furious and didn't go the funeral. It came out later that he'd been suffering from schizophrenia for decades, perhaps brought on by the sexual abuse he endured as a child.

Many of us think those who commit suicide are selfish, despicable people. And who knows - maybe some are. But lately I've come to the opinion that people killing themselves just don't have their marbles - and simply aren't in a position to know what they're about to do will completely tear apart anybody who loves them.

 

This is exactly right.

A friend went through this a few years ago. Her dad was bi-polar. He retired and moved out to be closer to her and his grandkids.

With the retirement and move his mental illness just went off the rails. He decided he was a terrible burden and attempted suicide. It didn't work, but essentially meant the family went on 24 hour a day suicide watch with him. One day my friend went home from work and found her dad dead in the back yard. He had stabbed himself through the heart.

People don't do stuff like that because they're cowards, or they're weak, or they just haven't though about the ramifications. They do it because they are mentally ill. To get angry about it is like getting angry at the guy with a congenital heart defect who keels over from a heart attack.

 

I always thought that people that are chronically suicidal are just wired different. It's like when something bad happens, normal people lay out their options and move on. With suicial people, that option is always there. It's just a matter of time until they try to end it.

 

Folks, thanks for the kind words and the thoughts. Nice to have a place to go to let out the feelings, you know? But mainly I wanted to stress that if you're having any troubles and feel like you can't take much jmore, the best way to "man up" is to go seek help.