WMTPG, Vol 7: Brady Dennis on a lonely toll booth operator (short narrative)

It's a great story but I hate the repetition of because. I don't think it adds anything. Reading because that many times made that Wizard of Oz song play in my mind. Every paragraph that starts with "because" would be better if "because" was eliminated.

I'll echo playthrough on the picture. That is tremendous art to go with the story.

 

A few things before we depart.

Here is a link to some of the other 300-word features Dennis penned. (Sadly, The Tampa Bay Times has made the series almost impossible to find online, but someone put a few of the best onto a PDF.)

http://susankirkman.com/MMS/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/brady_dennis.pdf

Ben Montgomery, feature writer at the Times, wrote about Dennis' piece (and Why he thinks it's so good) for Neiman, and he made a point that I like a great deal: The way it's presented, it feels like you're watching a slideshow. You can practically hear Don Draper narrating it as the slides go by.

Here’s the party in Queens where they met.

Chuh-click-click.

Here’s them at work in Manhattan.

Chuh-click-click.

Here’s her growing ill.

Chuh-click-click.

http://www.niemanstoryboard.org/2011/11/01/whys-this-so-good-no-18-brady-dennis-ben-montgomery-after-the-sky-fell/

I liked the repetition of "Because" in the story BECAUSE I think it's an economic way of creating a rhythm to the piece and quick transitions, which is important if you're writing something so short.

Dennis also wrote a very memorable piece about two friends who were involved in the Aurora, Colo. movie theatre shooting, and how they ended up there.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/the-long-road-to-theater-9/2012/07/25/gJQAdX6T9W_story.html

 

Fantastic last paragraph.