Wizard of Oz Redux by SJ.com ... for IJAG

Dear god in heaven...this shit is priceless

 

The Wizard of Oz has two neighbors, one who lives in a 2-bedroom ranch with a room for stretching (Mr. Ichiro) and the other lives in a 3-car garage house filled with art that says "Yes, you're better than God" (Mr. Spurrier.

 

And they pull back the curtain...and THE Wizard is none other than Christopher Walken. He looks at Dorothy and says "Congrat. Ulations Dorothy. You found. Me. Now all you have. To do. Is. Click your heels. Three times. And if that doesn't. Work. May I. Suggest. MORE COWBELL!"

 

The Wizard (a part written for W. C. Fields) was actually played by some second-shelf MGM contract hack, since Bill wouldn't play the part for beer money.

Played by Fields, The Wiz would have been beyond compare.

Of course, he would have also completely stolen the picture . . .

Ah, the twists and turns of history . . .

 

. . . and please do carry on . . . for this shit IS priceless . .

 

Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh, clickclack.







And I have no idea what anything in this thread means. Good night.

 

I dont think anyone else does either, IJAG.

 

No, IJAG, you'll miss the part where the tin man gets his knobs buffed.

 

It wasn't pot, it was the magic poppies! POPPIES!

 

Buh, buh, I didn't even get to the part where the Wizard is actually a Hitler-like dictator who roped Dorothy into his Nazi regime by tasking her with killing the green leader of the PETA revolution ..

 

Man, Lone Star . . .that Walken blast was the equivalent of Keanu Reeves' appearances in Much Ado About Nothing. Brought the proceedings to a screeching halt. Oh well . . . .

Dammit, IJAG missed the ending. Here we go:

Blah, blah, Pink Floyd, oh-WEEE-OH. ooohhhhoooohhhh-OH. oh-WEEEE-OH. oooohhhhhhhooooohhhhh-OH. oh-WEEE-OH. Etc., meet the green chick with the big nose, threats, scary music, Judy Garland gets scared enough to later embark on a lifetime of substance abuse, Pink Floyd again, Dorothy and her buddies the Pigs (Three Different Ones) throw water on the witch, who melts and is killed in the worst deus ex machina in the history of cinema . . .

Back to the Wizard . . blah, blah, "Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain" . . . the three losers traveling with Dorothy get little trinkets that are supposed to make them feel better about lacking the heart to win games, the brains to add 2 + 2 and the courage to ask Dorothy out, and in another deus ex machina, it turns out that the whole time all Dorothy had to do was click her heels together to get home.

The End. Gone With the Wind wins Best Picture, 1939.

 

I love The Wizard of Oz so much I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.


[sorry...was channeling Tracy Jordan there for a sec.]