Wife and Kids question for all

Probably not. We absolutely would not have both been journalists.

Heck, even without the wife and kids I wouldn't be a journalist if I could do it over.

 

I've been lucky enough to live in the town I want to live in and marry the girl I wanted to marry. I have three kids, two grandkids a good dog -- and a job I still love to do and still work hard at, 25 years later.
My wife is the key. Even if I'm not working it, if I want to go to a game, she comes too. I enjoy being with her and she enjoys being with me. She understands sports, likes sports and accepts the fact I work too hard. She's a saint.
The kids really know nothing else. They grew up around dad either being away at work or getting ready to go to work. I rearranged for most of the important stuff, got to spend great morning time with them when they were small, and, thanks to an accommodating boss, I'm there when they need or want me to be there.
I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

 

Agreed. If she or he tells you it's tough being a single parent, then you're in trouble.

 

It often blows my mind how many people in the journalism business get married without having this discussion or how spouses think it will change after they get married.

I know of one guy who after his first year covering baseball had his wife tell him he had to change beats or she was leaving him. To be fair, he went from probably 50 days a year on the road to probably about 120. Wisely, he switched beats...

I know of another case (and unfortunately, this is usually more the norm) of someone getting married and then the spouse doesn't realize truly how much the travel is going to impact them until they have kids and one party is gone much of the time. The result is rarely good.

 

It's tough man. Married with three kids here. Lots of long nights on the road. The thing that's the toughest is having my girls in school now. Gone all day, pick them up and take them home, go to work. I see my girls two hours a day sometimes. It sucks donkey dick. But I do what I can to stay involved. Like this year - helping coach my youngest daughter's soccer team and I plan to coach her softball team next year.

My oldest daughter is old enough (11) where she occasionally comes on the road with me. I may have to bribe her with an overnight motel stay so she swim in the morning, but she can watch a game with me without problems. My youngest daughter is almost old enough to start to come along (6).

It's hard on my son (3). Many nights, we'll play baseball in the front yard during my dinner break. Or we'll play Guitar Hero together (he uses a toy guitar or microphone) or watch the Royals briefly. Then I tell him I have to go to work. "Can I come Da-da?" I try not to answer him and just leave.

My wife runs a small daycare, so she cares for kids from 7 a.m. to bed time. And she does most of it by herself. Really tough on her.

I love what I do for a living. It's why I went to college to study journalism. If I ever get out, it'll be because of my family and the hours. We make it work but it's not easy.

 

How do you bring her on the road with you? Do you just leave her in the hotel?

 

When you are at a paper on Christmas Day, you quickly realize this is no life if you want children.

That said, a buddy of mine down the street manages a Lowe's, makes big money, but he will work odd days and hours. Retail is not a picnic either, but at least they are compensated.

Many careers like a police officer, military or others will allow you retire young even if you are not making huge money, so they have that bonus down the road.

Honestly, I cannot think of a worse career for a college graduate to take if they want a family than sports writing. The news side at least goes home most nights.

 

I don't mind working long hours or even weekends or holidays, but when you have to do that and you're on the road, it's so much tougher because you know that if you're needed, there's nothing you can do.

 

Impossible when you have kids. I would just as soon do 9-5. It becomes love hate. Some days, you don't want to be anywhere else but covering a major team. Other times you just wish the season would end. I always wanted to cover a MLB beat, that's why I got in the business. Right now, with 2 kids and a wife, I wouldn't even consider a pro beat in baseball, hoops or hockey. Non-starter.

Even college hoops is too much travel. How do you root against a team for bowl reasons because you don't want to miss Christmas? I ain't traveling Xmas eve for a bowl game. You couldn't pay me enough for that. It's bad enough New Years on the phone with your 3 year old asking "Daddy, Happy New Year, where are you?"

Ugh. I am scarred.

You get one life to live. If it comes down to covering a sport, or sleeping next to a warm women and your children, trust me, take the latter.

 

I was promoted to lead college writer on maternity leave and, it hasn't been easy, but we've been able to make it work. I have turned down jobs because my husband earns a lot more money than I do, and I was mommy-tracked for a few years after I had my second, but I have traveled on pro beats since.

I haven't missed too many important events because we schedule the celebrations on days I know I'll be home. So far it works.

 

Great advice...

If you would choose your job over your wife and kids, please seek therapy immediately.

 

I've been married twice and had several other relationships, but it would be disengenuous in the extreme to believe their failings had much to do with my work, except in this respect: The hours right out of the blocks led to a lifestyle -- the whole hard-working, hard-drinking journalist thing -- that has worked against me being completely successful in this ever since. And basically, living that way sometimes competed with me being the most complete family man. To deny this would be stupid.

But I had two great kids who are well into adulthood, and I have a lot of understanding exes who, with rare exceptions remain good friends. This includes, by far most important, the mother of my kids.

On the other hand, I'm unconnected right now, and at least a small reason is hours and days off that are actually great for me, but still not standard.

I actually think you can have kids in this deal and raise them well. But I echo all those who say it takes a unique, independent personality in the other person.