why do you like football?

Because it's a man law.

So sayeth the men of the round table!

 

Ever since I stopped watching ESPN for anything but live events, I have enjoyed football a lot more. I tune in on Sundays at noon and can watch until 10:30 if I could.

Almost every play, something cool happens. Someone takes a pop. Someone really fucks up and you can make fun of him. Someone makes a spectacular run or catch. You can see Larry Johnson run through some poor schmuck or Tony Gonzalez carry two linebackers for five yards. It's about not knowing what LaDainian Tomlinson will do next. It's about the kicker actually drilling a 53-yard field goal. It's about Peyton to Marvin.

Like I said, it's basically that something cool happens almost every play.

 

Funny, this sounds like the ESPN monday night football commercial ...

 

Asshole

 

I'll admit that I love the raw intensity of it. In fact, I could watch nothing but great hit highlight reels all day long. I love seeing people get hit. I llke it more than touchdowns and great passes. Just someone getting the snot knocked out of them.

 

It requires patience, poise and restraint one minute, then rage the next. It's the perfect blend of mental and physical toughness.

Plus, baseball, basketball, hockey -- they're team sports where individuals with superior skills can take over the action, carrying a team. Jordan scoring 63, Clemens striking out 21, Gretzkey going end to end. You can't do that in football. Even great running backs or quarterbacks are getting blocking from an offensive line. A defensive end who dominates the left tackle and gets seven sacks in one game still needs his cornerbacks and linebackers to cover long enough to give him a chance.

War is a part of human nature, and while it's a cliche', football most closely resembles the kind of battle between two foes that has played itself out for millions of years. There is a line seperating the two sides, a plan of attack, the reliance on brains as well as brawn, armor to wear to avoid injury and death, and a general standing away from the violence, calling the shots.

It's brutal and destrutive, but when played right, it's also beautiful.

 

It's funny. I could not agree more with keefspoon--every game I watch, I realize I'm watching dozens of chemically enhanced men. Yet the NFL has suckered most of America into believing the game is as pure as snow in Green Bay in January. What a crock of shit.

I don't really like football players and I can't stand football coaches. It's a game that crushes individuality, so the players are typically robotic followers of a coach who preaches team but is really preaching LOOK AT ME I'M THE GENIUS FOR PUTTING THIS TOGETHER!

It's fucking football and coaches are the same at every level. It's my experience that no one in sports is as self-absorbed, self-fellating and humorless as the football coach. There was nothing more amusing than watching the football coach at my high school stalk thru the halls on Fridays. Dude, you're a gym coach. You're not re-inventing the wheel. Spending 168 hours a week on a game plan does not make it rocket science.

Yet I love watching football. I'm like Leo: I can wax poetic about baseball all day long, because a baseball season is like 162 completely different novels. Each pitch is like a page.

I can't make similiar literary analogies with football, because there's nothing poetic about the viscerality and violence of football. Yet that's appealing in its own carnal way.

That, and fantasy football is the crack cocaine of my soul.

 

Watching backs like LaDainian Tomlinson run around or through people.

Watching people like Hines Ward take pride in knocking someone out to spring a teammate.

Watching a safety like Troy Polamalu run through blockers and simply explode through someone.

Watching a wideout like Marvin Harrison tight-rope the end zone sideline like he did against the Pats weeks ago.

Watching kick and punt returners like Devin Hester weave through traffic, wondering how they saw daylight.

 

The simple reason why I like football is that it means fall is almost here and another beat-down summer is almost over.

 

All of that, plus it is much more difficult and dangerous for a player to jake it at a game your family has paid $400 to attend.

 

Did a baseball remora just write this?

Let me get some more Visine.

 

great one.