Why did I do this...

Yard sale...
It's 9:30 a.m.... first fatass tub o' popcorn. chain smokin, mini-van drivin obese polyester pants wearin' lard-ass showed up to slowly drive by at 7:10...
It's 84 headed to 94 with the heat index somewhere around intolerable...
Got four hours of sleep and the average age of people who have stopped by is... dead...
So why did I do this>

 

For the $67 in beer money at the end of the day?

 

More like it.

 

I'm hiding in the office on the computer and Ms. Slappy sticks her head in and tells me to come outside because there are a lot of people.
I go out, potential buyers scatter, I'm ordered back in the house...

Have to figure something out... Ms. Slappy's going with her sister-in-law to listen to Def Leppard screech tonight, so I need somethin to do...

 

This is why I take unwanted stuff to Goodwill or Salvation Army. I have better things to do than serve as a retail clerk in my front yard and I don't have any leftovers at the end of the day.

 

Drink lots of beer ...

 

We live in an apartment. Once a year I send our useless shit down to my retired parents, three hours away. They have a yard sale once a year and sell our shit and keep a cut. It's awesome.

 

You should have at least put shorts over the sj thong you were wearing.

 

that was last night, which helps explain the serious case of drag-ass I have today

 

This guy I used to know once lived in Austin. "Volatile" might sum him up quite generously. You didn't wanna cross his path. Hell, the guy even looked like Nicholson in "The Shining." This was the kinda guy who would wait months for revenge against someone who he thought did him wrong.

Eventually, he was fired from his job down in A-Town and moved to San Francisco. Six months later, he takes out a classified ad in the Austin newspaper: "YARD SALE 123 JONES ST-SAT/SUN. COME EARLY 4 BST SLCTION."

Of course, that house belonged to his next-door honkey-trash neighbors, who loved to crank the stereo late at night, party and that sorta thing. And knowing how yard sale vultures are, you probably know how this one played out.