Who wants to take a whack?

In the interests of beating an already long-dead horse, I'm starting this thread.

In the past three weeks we've had several dedicated to hating soccer, including two today, so why not another?

Did you know soccer is responsible for the war in Iraq, skyrocketing fuel prices, Mad Cow Disease and the Asian Bird Flu?

Did you know soccer is to blame for all current illnesses, including, but not limited to: rabies, polio, smallpox, measles, mumps, rubella, juvenile diabetes, scabies, shingles and chlamydia?

Did you know soccer was invented by Karl Marx in an effort to turn the world away from capitalism?

Am I missing any of our current problems for which soccer should foot the blame?

 

What about the slowing of home sales in the past six months? Blame the beautiful game?

 

Soccer is 2006's Dubya, breaking a five-year streak.

 

The deficit is all soccer's fault.

 

I like soccer. Soccer doesn't suck.

Soccer apologists, however, can suck a mighty suck when they want to.

 

It's soccer's fault I'm so fat.
It's soccer's fault that I'm so bald.
It's soccer's fault that I'm so old
It's soccer's fault that I can't talk.

Sorry. Had to steal those lines from the Simpsons. I'm actually none of those.

 

THAT was well-played.

 

I'm pretty sure that North Korea has soccer balls painted on the tips of their warheads. Not only that, but they spent 50 percent of their GNP to create an apparatus that kicks the missile instead of launching it.

 

Soccer encourages homosexuality in men. And frigidity in women, I think.

 

Anti-soccer threads inspire Poindexter boners. Using that logic, soccer is to blame for Poin's limp dick.

 

Soccer depletes the ozone layer.
Soccer is why we have a rotten health care system.


Soccer was the stupid answer I couldn't figure out for 29 down in today's crossword!  

 

It's soccer's fault Janie got molested by her father and had to buy a gun to blow that bastard away.