Whew, that was close...

Had hell of a scare last night...

It's about 5. Because of the holidays, there's no games. I'm driving down a fairly steep hill, maybe 10-15 miles over the speed limit, and it's pouring buckets so heavy the wipers can't keep up.

Then, out of nowhere, a deer jumps in front of my car.

I slam on the breaks, swerve, maybe a little too much. I didn't want to -- couldn't afford to -- hit the thing, not with my bare bones liability coverage.

But instead of stopping, I hydroplane across the other lane of traffic. Thank God no one was coming, a minor miracle in the middle of Friday rush hour. The car finally came to rest in a flat, grassy area, about 5-10 feet from a deep ditch.

I was okay. And extremely lucky.

What's the closest you've come to death?

 

I was out in the boondocks, looking for some little old lady's house when I was doing home health care stuff.

I was T-boned by a cop doing about 15 mph over the speed limit. The passenger side door came in over the seat, knocking the stereo and shifter thingie into my leg. I had visible marks from the shifter for about 5 years.

Had there been anybody in the passenger seat, they would have died. Had that cop been going 10 miles faster, I would have been seriously injured.

 

Coming back from a basketball game in rural Wyoming, I took a left-right switchback on an icy two-lane back road too quickly, slid off the road onto the shoulder, cut back to avoid a ditch and thus put the truck up on two wheels and nearly rolled it. No other traffic for miles, fortunately.

We are forced to note that in the winter, four-wheel-drive will not save your ass in case of stupidity but countersteering might if you're lucky.

 

On the way home from my daughters school xmas program 'bout 8 years ago. Driving along when a guy ran a stop sign and slammed us. Hit us hard enough to spin our minivan 3 or four times. Hit us hard enough to knock the shoes off my daughters feet into the far back of the van. Broke my leg and hand. My wife had her sternum cracked by the passenger airbag. My daughter got a bruise on her hip from the seatbelt buckle.

We were all wearing seatbelts and, essentially, walked away.

The other guy was not wearing a seatbelt and did not make it.

There is a lesson here folks. We were five minutes from home.

Please buckle up.

 

I once had to listen to Dookie V do color in a double OT game at Cameron.

 

Almost drowned at a water park ... in the big wave pool.

Also should have died after getting pulled out into the Atlantic via riptide. Through some miracle, I got back to shore. I have no idea how I survived; I don't play games with the ocean anymore.

 

I hit a cow once.

 

Rural Wyoming? Isn't that redundant?

My experience: Hit a patch of ice on a bridge, lost the back end of my truck and slammed the right corner into the concrete wall. Looked down to find the bridge about 100 feet up.

 

I've cheated death. I've tricked death many times and praised myself on my ingenuity. But I've never experienced death.

 

I punched Matt Shriver in the nose in third grade and broke a finger. Compared to some of these harrowing experiences, I consider myself pretty lucky. I also tossed a donut into hot oil when I was 5 and sustained a second-degree burn to my knee. And I had my retina partially detached after getting a rock in the eye from a friend's whiffle ball bat. Oh, I've had a few minor auto accidents, but I've dodged serious injury for almost 34 years. I figure that I'll be struck by lightning tomorrow. If so, please share the irony at the wake.

 

I was driving with a fever too high to be driving with last winter right after an ice storm. The road was pretty clear but very narrow because they couldn't get the ice off the road completely. I thought a semi was driving in the middle of the road toward me, so I swerved to the shoulder. Bad call on my part. I spun out and ended up in a very deep ditch with snow all around me. I was lucky to have a guy with a tow on the back of his truck right behind me. He didn't have to tow me out but definitely showed me how to turn my wheels and helped push me out. I'm sure if I'd needed towing, he would have helped. With my fever, though, I was scared I was just going to die in the ditch with no one checking the car to see if anyone was in it.

OK, I'm sure I felt a little overdramatic being sick and all, but dammit, I'm a chick. I'm allowed.

 

Driving through Utah in a rented Ford Explorer. Somewhere between Salt Lake City and St. George, heading south. If any of you know that stretch of I-15, you know what I'm talking about. There ain't shit out there.
So, my wife and I are going about our business, it's 11 p.m and trying to make it to Vegas before it gets to be too early in the morning.
BAM!!! I hit this buck. He's huge. FUCKIN' HUGE. His antlers stick in the windshield. I slam on my breaks. Buck on my hood. Antlers in my windshield. Blood splatter everywhere.
So, as I hit my breaks, the buck starts to slide down the hood of the car. He takes the windshield with him. There he is. He's in front of the SUV, dead as a deer-being-struck-at-70 mph-on-a-desolate-highway. Hearts are pumping out of our chests.
I can't just leave him there. Pull the truck off to the side, and get out. What the hell I'm going to do, I don't know.
I go take a closer look, and WHAM! The buck jumps up and pulls the windshield into the dark. Scares the livin' shit out of me.
Now, I feel something warm down my leg. (No, it's not what you think). The molding that holds the windshield in place, went across my calf and I'm bleeding. Bleeding bad. We can't stop it.
So, in our youthfulness, we start hauling ass to St. George with no windshield and me bleeding all over the place. It felt like I was bleeding out and dying of hypothermia at the same time.
Thirty-eight stitches and two pints of blood later I was fine.
You should have seen the face of the Enterprise rent-a-car guy when I pulled in the next morning.