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When to cut off deadbeat family members?

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by MisterCreosote, Nov 17, 2010.

  1. canucklehead

    canucklehead Active Member

    it's real easy to not answer the phone or open e-mails.
     
  2. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    I don't mind giving (it's giving, not lending, if it's friends or family) people money if I can afford it, if they need it or would make good use of it and am comfortable with no expectation of ever getting it back.

    We gave quite a bit of to a friend out of work with two small kids who really needed it.

    Sounds like your brother doesn't meet that threshold.
     
  3. nmmetsfan

    nmmetsfan Active Member

    Of course not. If you're raising the kids, how is he going to guilt you (or others) into giving him more money? I'm with others. If it's about the kids, you make the payments you choose to help with directly. Don't let him get his hands on a dime.
     
  4. TimmyP

    TimmyP Member

    Agree 100 percent, Ace, on the "giving, not lending" point. We've helped family members a couple times in the past when they've asked and we've been able to, and the only stipulation that we make is that it's not a loan and we don't want it back.

    I don't want to lose contact with a family member or close friend just because they feel funny showing their face because they owe me money from a "loan". I'd rather be without the money and still have them in my life.
     
  5. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    Tell him you can have whatever you want, but you first need to sit through a two-hour seminar on finances with Rick Stain. :)

    Buy shit straight for the kids. Be sure it is shit that cannot be sold, either. Do school supplies and send them straight to the school.

    Drug use in the picture?
     
  6. farmerjerome

    farmerjerome Active Member

    Casually mention that you're in trouble this time and you were thinking about asking him for a loan.
     
  7. forever_town

    forever_town Well-Known Member

    I'm with Rosie.

    Perhaps my perception is somewhat skewed because I grew up as an only child, but I don't see why your being his brother obligates you to give money you can ill afford to piss away to a man who will piss it away.

    If he says he needs money for anything other than his kids, I'd suggest simply telling him, "look, I don't have the money to give you."

    You wouldn't be lying. You don't have disposable enough income to give it to someone who won't be able to pay it back. If he weren't so frivolous with his money and he paid you back, I'm sure this wouldn't be an issue. Long story short: Your brother will never gain an ounce of responsibility if you don't cut the umbilical cord.
     
  8. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    MC, why doesn't he ask anyone else for money like another sibling or your parents?
     
  9. JakeandElwood

    JakeandElwood Well-Known Member

    Tell him there's a reason for that, and you're done too.
     
  10. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    Yeah, you need to cut the cord.
     
  11. jackfinarelli

    jackfinarelli Well-Known Member

    May I suggest that the time to "cut them off" is exactly at the moment you attach the adjective "deadbeat" to them?

    Just a thought...
     
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