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When is it time for the lawyers?

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by huntsie, Aug 23, 2010.

  1. huntsie

    huntsie Active Member

    Brief synopsis:
    My wife of 25 years and I are separating. We had a disagreement, it came out that she's not happy and hasn't been for a while. She wants to separate.
    I'm stunned, shocked, reeling. I don't want this. I've offered to do whatever is necessary to make it work. I work too long, she's been neglected and feeling isolated; everything has suffered.
    As it develops, my daughter and her boyfriend have room for a while, with a roommate moving out, which will minimize expenses and the feeling of failure and isolation I have.
    That will be the arrangement for 3-4 months at least. I'm hopeful time apart is all we need; I still love this woman and I need her.
    On the practical side, I entrusted payment of bills and running of the household to her. I'm getting my name and responsibility removed from some of the household bills now, getting a handle on our credit card situation and so on.
    Here's where it's tricky: Do I get a lawyer to protect my interest or draw up some sort of separation agreement? I don't want to get so far into this that we can't undo it. I hold out hope for a reconciliation and I don't want to do anything to damage that possibility. At the same time, if this separation is to go for an extended time, I'll have a new household to set up, new expenses...I don't want get totally screwed either.
    I don't think she'd do that. She's a good woman. But I've already been surprised once...
    Anybody with any similar/previous experience in matters like this?
  2. WolvEagle

    WolvEagle Active Member

    I don't have previous experience in this, but it's pretty obvious: Get a lawyer. Now.
  3. Ben_Hecht

    Ben_Hecht Active Member

    Lawyer up. It doesn't need to be an indefinite arrangement, if there's clearly no need, but for now . . .
  4. Baron Scicluna

    Baron Scicluna Well-Known Member

    If you can get past all the bickering on the thread and look at the advice given, this topic has been touched on here before:


    In other words, yeah, you should get a lawyer.
  5. 21

    21 Well-Known Member

    Get a lawyer. You're understandably upset and distracted, and an expert can give you advice on what to do and not do at this point. You're not filing for divorce, you're just learning a new language.

    In the meantime, sounds like you just want to reconcile....is she open to any kind of counseling or discussion? Hope it all works out for you.
  6. exmediahack

    exmediahack Well-Known Member

    Try, TRY to separate the emotion from the facts. That is your best defense to this.

    I'm assuming you don't have any minor children in the house? Be thankful for that. Then you WOULD be broke.

    Get a handle on this. Pick up an exercise routine (if you haven't) and get back out there.
  7. forever_town

    forever_town Well-Known Member

    I know your situation is not the same as not's, but I'd say lawyer up now.

    If it gets to the point where you end up going to divorce court, you need someone who's going to fight for YOU, not for her.
  8. Sam Mills 51

    Sam Mills 51 Active Member

    Find a lawyer. This will help separate the emotion and heat-of-the-moment feelings from the facts and current needs.
  9. Webster

    Webster Well-Known Member

    See a lawyer. Even if you and your wife are in complete agreement on everything, there are financial matters and forms which you simply do not want to get wrong.
  10. qtlaw

    qtlaw Well-Known Member

    The key question is whether you and your wife can trust each other. If so, you can both (at least in California) find a mutually agreeable mediator who can sort through all of the details for you and get a written separation of property without both of you "lawyering up." This saves you quite a bit of money on legal fees.

    I'm a litigator and I know that if you two go down that path of "lawyering up" all you two are doing is diminishing what you have built up. Do you want to do that? If you get one, of course she's going to get one just as a knee jerk reaction.

    Usually I would say get a lawyer, protect yourself. But where its a marital dissolution, I would hate to see you two torch everything you've built up just for spite. Sounds like the kids are out of that house, which is good. Now the key is whether you have a handle on all the finances, assets. If so, and you two trust each other, you're in good shape. If not, then yes find a lawyer. Don't just pick one out of the book/internet. Take your time, get references from good people who have had positive experiences. Usually, someone will come through with a good recommendation.

    Good luck.
  11. Buck

    Buck Well-Known Member

    Flame on!
  12. waterytart

    waterytart Active Member

    No situation has ever been made less adversarial by retaining a lawyer. A one-time never-mentioned-to-your-wife consultation about which issues to be aware of could be helpful but, for now, I'd stop there. And 21 is right about counseling.
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