When do you speak out about someone's relationship?

I'd say that if you want them to break up, fuck her, videotape it and then send a copy of the tape to him.

That works every time..........

 

I'd rather have a flawed friend.

 

If you are asked for your advice, you should always be honest. Otherwise it's your friend's life, and most people have to learn things the hard way.

 

Having jumped into this, let me back up and say that I'm very non-confrontational in situations like this, and I would not offer unsolicited relationship advice to a friend or loved one. In fact, I've bitten my tongue repeatedly over the past 25 years over my brother's marriage to a woman that I really don't like. But if asked point-blank, I'm either going to be honest outright or honest by omission. You know, the old, "if you can't say anything good, don't say anything," routine and let them draw their own conclusions.

 

Bingo.

Well, you screwed yourself by not insisting that everyone, not just you, broke it to your buddy how you all felt. One person could have done most of the talking, but for all of you to not have stepped up, at least showed up to be part of the discussion, that was pretty gutless on the parts of the others.

That said, I'd rather have lost the friendship. You probably would've, anyway......over time you'd have become so resentful of this woman that you would have pulled away. I wouldn't have felt right going to the damned wedding in the first place, knowing that it was a farce and that the bride was a person who, from the sounds of it, deserved to be upper-decked every day of her life.

 

Wal-Mart just called. Your new club and loincloth are in.

Seriously ... tread lightly here. It's a very fine line to walk ... Just be there to listen, and offer the advice if it's solicited.

And try not to say, "I told you so" when she kicks him to the curb.

 

Stay. The. Fark. Out.

 

Orville's right.
Speak up. If a friend's a friend you should be able to say anything to him and remain a friend. This woman sounds like a nightmare. In a couple of years - maybe sooner - he's going to be coming around and asking his friends why they weren't honest with him about the bitch.
Would you tell him if you knew she was cheating on him? Answer: of course. You should also tell him she's a bitch. Whore and/or bitch. Is that the kind of woman who want to see a good friend with. He can either take your advice or ignore it.
If he gets pissed off and never speaks to you again, that's his problem. Would you want him to tell you if the shoe was on the other foot?
I told my wife straight up when we got together that I thought her sister was a bitch. My wife is my best friend. She didn't leave me over it.

 

Read "A Doll's House" and "The Wild Duck" by Ibsen.

And stay the hell out of it, other than to listen, nod sympathetically and buy the occasional round.

 

Most people, indeed, do have to learn things the hard way.

There's very little to be gained, IMO, from interfering unless your friend asks you for your advice. In which case, nm is correct again: be honest.

 

I've been thinking and I think prolly (Hi Sonner!) about five years or so after. 'Cause the recently-divorced guy didn't want the I told you so.
And I'm not sure he ever really said "Thanks for being straight with me."
Not even in guy-speak. And they never as close as they were before.

 

If it were me I'd want to know. But that's me. Not my frat brother and maybe not your friend.

Do you want a clear conscience or a friend. Cause on them is going get the short end in this conflict.



OUTSTANDING PULL on Ibsen, BTW!