What's the stupidist thing anyone's ever said to you? (Non-work version)

"You guys playing cards?"

 

"Is Thanksgiving on a Thursday this year?"

That came from one of my former writers. I didn't let that one go for a while.

 

Was at a hotel with the lady and ordered a pizza late at night.
Ordered a large pizza and breadsticks.
The guy came to the door, gave me the breadsticks and two pizzas. I asked him why he gave me two, and with a straight, completely stoned face he told me they were out of larges.

 

1) Ex-mother in law during argument over her watching kids:

"If I died, you wouldn't know what to do"

My response: "Bury you before the odor gets bad."

2) My wife's ex-husband's wife in a conversation over a situation we resolved:

"I'm not delusional enough to expect a thank you from you"

My response: "Thank you and to me you'll always be delusional enough no matter what"

 

Similar story to the previous fast-food posts:
I was having a party so I went to the local Mexican place for munchies. I ordered a quart of salsa and four big bags of chips.
"For here or to go?"

 

Reminds me of the funniest thing I've ever seen at work. In high school I worked at a mid-sized paper, and one night, on deadline, the SE needed to call someone to check on something. There's confusion over the right phone number. He takes what's written down, and turns to his odd (pleasant, but very goofy) page layout guy and asks a strangely phrase question that drew an even stranger response.

"Rob, do any of these numbers look familiar to you?"

"Yeah, the four."

 

A female relative wondered how I could drive to Alaska from Florida, since every map of the U.S. puts it out in the Pacific Ocean. She's not that dumb, just was that drunk.

 

That reminded me that a friend from high school couldn't figure out why it was cold in Alaska and hot in Hawaii since they were right next to each other out in the Pacific. She was not drunk, just that dumb, apparently.

 

Gotta better one:
Democratic Reps. Rau´l Grijalva of Arizona and Keith Ellison of Minnesota, the incoming co-chairs of the Congressional Progressive Caucus, in a joint statement. "Giving rich people more money just for being rich does nothing to help the economy."
This was in reaction to the deal on extending the Bush tax cuts.
Two men, elected representatives, believe that not raising taxes on people who earn $250,000 or more is the equivalent of "giving rich people more money just for being rich."
I think that says it all.

 

A woman I worked for (in a non-journalism job) was having a debate about abortion with a co-worker and, in defending her pro-choice stance, said something to the effect of, "If God didn't want us to do it, he wouldn't have given us the technology to do it."

Astonishing.

 

OK, this is a work-related foot-in-mouth situation ... but I gotta put it out there.

At our small hometown paper, every year, we used to call the local high school football coaches a few days before the Super Bowl and ask them to tell us who would win and why. It was a simple, throw-away feature we had fun with every year.

On this particular occasion, I called a local coach's home number and asked if he was around. After a brief hesitation, the phone was handed off to Mrs. Coach. I said, "Hey Mrs. Coach, this is BSquared, is Mr. Coach around?" And she said, "I am so sorry ... Mr. Coach died this morning."

The thud heard in the newsroom was my jaw hitting the desk ... followed by a second thud produced when a load hit my pants.

I apologized profusely and got off the phone as quickly and gracefully as possible. Then turned around and told a guy working the desk what had just happened. His response: "Well, did she tell you who Mr. Coach liked in the game? I got a hole to fill ..."

 

"Roll Tide"