What's the stupidist thing anyone's ever said to you? (Non-work version)

going through the drive-thru at wendy's and get this response from the order taker - "sorry, we're out of hamburger patties."

 

I was once told at a KFC drive-thru window that my relatively small order would take more than 10 minutes "because Al told us to conserve on chicken."

I was at a Taco Bell counter when somebody ordered "one of them full-on fuckin' Jumbo Jacks."

 

After a TSA moron swabbed my shoes and then proceeded to write down my name and info off my boarding pass, I asked why he needed the information. He told me "if your plane blows up, we need to be able to contact you to tell you what happened."

 

I think Yogi Berra would approve of that one.

 

I once stopped at the local buffalo wings place, on my way to a Jan. 1 bowl party, ordered 150 wings. I walked in alone, right up to the register and placed my order, and got "Is that for here or to go?"

Now, I'm a pretty big guy, but... c'mon.

Thought for a second I should say "Oh, for here," sit down and make the attempt just out of spite. (And make a big deal out of ordering a DIET Coke.)

 

Fun to try, until your wing-deprived pals show up with torches and pitchforks.

 

Yes.

 

more drive thru silliness ...

I'm in the passenger seat. My cousin orders a bacon cheeseburger with nothing on it. The kid asks "do you want the bacon?"

 

A few things from friend of a friend (who is the dumbest guy I have ever met, so most things he says is D-U-M-B..oh, and he plays hockey...not that I am stereotyping or anything..)
• He wanted to know how much plastic wrap he should use to cover his left-over pizza with (the answer? as much as you need to cover both sides...he didn't understand that point, he would always just leave the pizza unwrapped in the fridge
• He actually had to call my buddy at work to ask how to hang a picture! He didn't understand the concept of a hammer, nail and placing it on the wall!

Dumbest thing another buddy of mine has said: "I want to get a wall calender so I know what day it is when I wake up every morning." He's also said: "I didn't use the fork...I just ate off of it."

We call him Smooth...because he's not.

 

In high school, I worked at a Taco Bell. There were plenty of beauties from the customers. A couple of examples:

STORY 1
CUSTOMER: I would like two of the 49-cent TAY-cos.
ME: TAY-co?
CUSTOMER: That's right. The 49-cent TAY-cos.
ME: Sir, you realize you are at Taco Bell, right?
CUSTOMER: Do I look stupid to you?

STORY 2
CUSTOMER: Can I get a 6-pack of hard tacos?
ME: Sure, that will be $4.43 a the window.
The guy pulls up to the window and says, "Can I switch those to soft tacos? I only have half a tongue, and I can't eat the hard shells."
He opened his mouth and, sure enough, he only had half a tongue. How he forgot that little tidbit when he ordered, I have no idea.

STORY 3
CUSTOMER: Can I get a burrito supreme, without any of that green shit on there?
ME: Sir, by green shit, do you mean lettuce or guacamole?
CUSTOMER: Yes.


Then there was the time I thought the customer was asking a dumb question when they asked if our beans were vegetarian beans.
I looked at him, and very sarcastically said, "Absolutely. We stopped serving the meat beans last year."
Turns out that the beans at the time were made with animal fat, thus making them non-vegetarian beans. I was an ass that day.

 

At the risk of becoming a candidate for having asked the stupidist things, "half a tongue", like, um, horizontally or vertically?