What to do for dying grandfather?

In 1994, my grandfather was diagnosed with colon cancer and given six months to live. I was in the room when the doctor told my grandmother "He'll be lucky to get that."

It was 17 months until my grandparents' 50th anniversary. My grandfather told me, "I'm going to be at that anniversary party."

He was... He lost about 120 pounds during that time and could barely stand up, but he made it.

At that party, he pulled me over and said, "I'm going to be at your graduation..."

He died three weeks later.

I wouldn't worry too much about the whole, "You're just visiting me because I'm dying" thing. They understand and unless it's a case of people visiting for the first time in five years, they won't mind some extra or more frequent visitors.

 

And most importantly, LOVE HIM!!!!

 

Along these lines, you may want to consider (depending on his reaction and ability) producing with a fairly thorough oral history with him. I used my regular mini-cassette recorder with my dying grandmother 19 years ago but you may want to use video camera these days. There's a lot of great history that can get lost when your grandparents die.

 

Yes, definitely do that if you can. Always wanted to do that with my grandfather --- who was born in 1925, fought in World War II and worked as a railroad electrician for years and years --- but never got around to it, other than about a 20-minute tape of him talking about how to make moonshine (which is pretty cool, now that I think about it, I just wish I had done more).

And tell him, write to him or whatever, but just explain to him how you feel before he's gone. He knows he's dying.

Remember that it's not just about you and the fact you won't get to be with him anymore when he's gone. He won't get to be with you (or the rest of the family) at that point. Make use of the time the best you can.

 

Some very good ideas above.

Mainly, just be there. Don't take a single moment for granted. Listen, talk, bust be around for him. Treasure every moment with him like it's your last.

 

Sorry to hear this, Uni.

Just be there for him. Is he physically capable of much yet? Does he love golf? Boating?

Whatever, help get him out to do some of the things he always loved doing.

Bottom line, just have as many people he loves and who love him be around him as much as possible. Recall old memories, create new ones.

I'm only 49, but one of the best gifts I ever got was for Christmas 5 1/2 years ago -- a photo album with all kinds of family memories recorded. Putting together something like that and giving it to him will give him many hours of smiles and happiness down these last months.

My best to you and him and your families.

 

Who's his favorite baseball team? How about you two catch a game?

Or maybe his favorite NFL team or college football team.

Get primo tickets.

 

OK, so here is some more info ...
1. Grandpa is not going anywhere, but is still in pretty good health. But he recently stopped driving and golfing and is really in no mood to leave the casa.
2. He is kind of a grumpy old man and really doesn't get a thrill out of having his house full of people, but deals with it and eats and everything whenever we do get together.

But he has done a lot for me (I am oldest grandchild) -- taught me to golf (poorly), fish, be opinionated -- and I will for sure be delivering his eulogy.

 

I can relate to this better than you know ... at least given the circumstances and general criteria.

Do what you can when you can. Give yourself a break on occasion- mentally if nothing else. It's not going to be easy to watch. (I should be shot for typing that last statement because it's incredibly selfish ... it CANNOT be easier to experience than it is to watch, but anyway ... )

Hang on for the ride. It's more likely to be filled with endless bumps and frustration than anyone can comprehend. Again, do what you can when you can.

Take care.