What the movies taught you about sports

That the key is realizing you're in toon world.

 

That aside from Timmy Lupus, Ogilvie is probably the worst player in the league.

 

You can sacrifice years to get in for a few plays in garbage time of one game and still a go on to become a big asshole later in life.

 

That using a lasso is the best way to keep some burly male hockey player from smashing a female hockey player into the boards, and that nothing makes Trinidad and Tobago more happy than a goal in a youth hockey game, and that finding a drunk is the key to the successful search for a good hockey coach.

 

That a raw egg won't break if you tuck it under your ballsack during a bobsled race.

 

That winning isn't everything. It's the only thing.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0046463/

 

That your waxing technique is a defensive karate move.

 

And if you're going to wrestle somebody named Shute, you'd best bring your lunch.

 

Two things: 1. It's all in the hips; 2. If the team you're playing against has a player who morphs into a wolfman, you can station one of your guys below the basket to glare at him when said wolfman shoots free throws.

 

the knucklepuck can't be stopped

that a figure skating spin with the stick held above waist-high is not high-sticking if nobody is near you.