What misperceptions do people have about you?

That I am a student at the local college or high school despite being close to 30. There have been several times I have been confronted by teachers at high schools, asked to present my hall pass and been met with doubt when I explain I'm from the newspaper walking to a coach's office for an interview. For this same reason, I hate being referred to as a "high school reporter" because a couple people have then asked which of the high schools I go to. If a few people have asked, it means many more probably think it. A few years back I was helping a man lift something into his truck while his wife was on her cell phone telling a friend what she was doing. She said, "Rick and another man are loading... well, Rick and a boy are loading the book shelf into the truck now." Calling me a man was apparently an egregious mistake that needed to be corrected for the story to be understood. I'm sure her friend imagine a diminutive child struggling to lift half a book shelf, not a 24-year-old, 6-foot-1 man. But I guess that's not what the woman saw. When I was 21 or so, I grew giant Wolverine sideburns to combat this, but it didn't help all that much.

Also, that I care about the NFL, MLB or local high school legends who last played about the same time my grandfather did. If it's not hockey, college football or something I get to cover, I probably don't care. The NFL and MLB are like MMA to me. I'll watch it for a little bit, get some entertainment out of it, but don't bother to learn most of the athletes' names. I used to stop people who would launch into stories about NFL and MLB players of bygone eras, but it got more difficult to explain why a sports writer doesn't know who they are than to just nod and pretend I agree that there hasn't been a better linebacker since so-and-so played in mid-70s. There was a time in college that I could have gone into great depth about ever Constitutional amendment and named every member of the U.S. Senate (probably can still name most of them), but it's hard to change the subject on a baseball yakker.

That because I have a child, I must be married. Nope, not divorced either. Nope, not even separated. Nope, we live in the same house. We just haven't married because I enjoy making people like you uncomfortable and I resent the fact that you now look down on me because I have not yet felt the need to enter into a contractual agreement saying I love my longtime girlfriend.

 

I don't think you're making people uncomfortable, per se; I think they're just taking advantage of an opportunity to judge you. People used to do the same thing to divorcees although that's largely passe nowadays. However, judgment of women who choose not to have children or get married does seem to be relatively alive and well.

 

That I waste a lot of time online.

No, wait, that's true.

 

--That you prematuirely ejaculate
--That you obsess over Donna Martin's academic progress
--That you like really crappy hair metal
--That you oppose a salary cap in baseball

 

One misperception I have about MonsterLobster is that he doth protest too much.

 

You live with the mother of your child, and people assume you're married? What kinda assholes would ever jump to that conclusion?

 

Fixed

 

I have become self-conscious of it because at some point in the conversation with someone about the fact that I have a kid they always say something like, "Oh, I bet your wife has her hands full." And if I mention we're not married or they find out, they almost always ask when we're planning a wedding. Not if, but when. It's just a really annoying question on a private matter.

 

Well, best of luck. I'm sure it's a constant annoyance.

If you do decide to get hitched and have an open bar, give me a call.

 

That I give a shit.

 

Yeah, I was kidding. I'm sure it gets annoying, people always assuming they're married, but it seems like a pretty obvious assumption. It seems a little silly to hate the world for making that short leap.

 

I get your point, and to clarify, I don't think these people are assholes. You know how some pregnant women are offended when someone starts asking them for details about their pregnancy (or assumes they're pregnant in the first place)? I guess it's kind of like that for me. I feel like my personal situation doesn't need to be explained, and I can tell a lot of people who prod about whether or not I'm married look down on me when they get the answer.

I just hate how the second someone finds out I have a kid the next sentence or two involves my wife. I usually don't even correct people any more, I just let it go.

And, Ace, you won't be invited to my open bar wedding because I can't afford one. BYOB.