What if Superman was a smoker?

Damn. You are correct. They SHOULD have just used red Kryptonite to stick closer to the comics, but it was synthesized pseudo-kryptonite.

 

My guess? He'd go hardcore:

 

To answer the original question, via a "Superman powers" search on Wiki, he'd probably be OK if he smoked. In most incarnations (the various comics reboots, movies and TV shows all tweak his powers to some degree), he's either invulnerable to most toxins or has a healing factor similar to Wolverine's.
Several times, he's even survived nuclear explosions. Once he did that and restored his powers by absorbing the photosynthetic energy of a rainforest (in "The Dark Knight Returns," once again proving that Superman is a dick). So a few smokes and hot dogs won't kill him.
Given that he probably feels the need to remain in peak condition to fight off the evils of the universe -- and bang Wonder Woman whenever Lois is giving him grief -- plus his upstanding nature, Superman would probably stay away from the nastiest stuff on general principle. I'd hate to see Superman on bath salts.

 

What if Superman smoked weed? Would he get Super Munchies? Would he eat all of the Funyons in Gotham City?

Would he bust into a long discussion with General Zod about how the Phantom Zone very closely resembles the album cover of the Rolling Stones' Through The Past Darkly compilation?

 

Superman is so uptight because he can't get drunk or high. How's a fellow supposed to relax if you can't even get a decent beer buzz?

 

In comic book theory, Wolverine would be the person least affected by smoking 10 packs a day.

 

If he was a smoker, wouldn't he end up like Ray Davies?

 

Ah, yes, 1950s Superman stories. Some of them make Superman III look well-written.

 

Looking at that again, Superman has a crazy look in his eyes there. I think "General Grant" might be code for his dealer, and he's getting totally fucked up in that panel.

 

"Yo, what if Superman was a cock smoker!"

 

"But in real life Santa would suffer from gallstones, hypertension, impotence and diabetes." -Kent Brockman

 

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