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What goofy-as-hell topic will Bush spring on us in this "State of the Union?"

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by TigerVols, Jan 20, 2007.

  1. TigerVols

    TigerVols Well-Known Member

    For some reason, our esteemed President likes to bring up strange concepts in his State of the Union address. Remember when he named Laura Bush his "anti-Gang csar?"

    "Tonight I propose a three-year initiative to help organizations keep young people out of gangs, and show young men an ideal of manhood that respects women and rejects violence. And I am proud that the leader of this nationwide effort will be our First Lady, Laura Bush."

    She's doing a bang-up job there, isn't she?

    And last year Bush decided we need to fuel all our cars with wood chips and "switch grass," whatever the hell that is. Of course, he also suggested we need to go to Mars, since we're doing such a fantastic job here tackling all our problems here on Earth.

    But of course all of these goofball ideas pale in comparison to his having the courage to attack a problem he must have first learned of while watching a Skittles ad: Those dastardly human-animal hybrids!

    "I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human-animal hybrids, and buying, selling, or patenting human embryos."


    So what's next for our whackjob of a President Commander in Chief?

  2. Angola!

    Angola! Guest

    That is a frightening picture.
  3. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    He's going to feign bi-partisan ideas at the State of the Union address.
    With the Democrats in control of both houses, he won't be able to say anything he wants and get a speech-stopping standing ovation every 15 seconds like he has the last several years.
    He's going to have to come out with ideas the Dems like so they'll applaud, because the president being applauded makes for good television. An entire state of the union speech without at least one standing ovation makes for bad television.
  4. Angola!

    Angola! Guest

    It may be bad television, but for a lot of us it would also be funny television.
  5. DyePack

    DyePack New Member

    On the radio, they said he's going to push for tax breaks for people who buy health insurance. While I like that idea, I still think fixing the current system might be the better way to go.
  6. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    Does this mean that people who have health insurance provided by their employer (and whose spouses are covered by that plan) will get the shaft?
  7. DyePack

    DyePack New Member

    It might. It's more of the government's fantasy that it can somehow patch the current, rapidly failing system.
  8. Michael_ Gee

    Michael_ Gee Well-Known Member

    He's going to point to his special guest in the gallery, John D. Villareal
  9. dooley_womack1

    dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

    He's going to plow a Raiderette in front of Pelosi.
  10. Frank_Ridgeway

    Frank_Ridgeway Well-Known Member

    He's going to use a visual aid, a "separated at birth" chart, Hillary and Satan.
  11. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    The surprise that Bush will spring on us... he and Dick Cheney are resigning.
    It's part of Karl Rove's Republican master plan... give the Dems two years to straighten things out with President Pelosi and when they can't, have the GOP say in 2008 that the Dems had their chance and blew it.
  12. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    Then again, he might borrow some ideas from Dan Bern's song "President"


    Raised up my hand & said I solemnly swear
    One January day
    And just like that I was the president
    Of the U.S.A.

    There were limos, bands & speeches
    Parties to go to
    I said all that will have to wait
    There's so much to do

    My first day I offered statehood
    To Cuba & Mexico
    Cuba: 1 state, Mexico: 6
    All or nothing, that's how it goes
    No more border patrols & human smuggling
    We'll deal with our own neighborhood
    And a few more stars & some green in the flag
    Seems like, it might be good
    And maybe Israel & Palestine
    Will follow our lead and just combine
    And then become Israelstine -- who knows?
    Anyway, that's my first day

    Second day I told Detroit Start makin' cars that don't use gas
    And I give everybody a big rebate, 'n' they
    Started sellin' fast
    We'll stop burnin' up the air we breathe
    And makin' the planet boil
    And we won't have to kiss the ass
    Of whoever's got the oil

    Since before Hoover, the farmers have got
    The short end of the stick
    With the help of our Cuban brothers
    We'll go communistic (collective farms!)
    Capitalism is a fine thing
    If it works, then great, OK
    But if it don't, you gotta try something else
    That's what I did on my 3rd day

    The 4th day all of our troops came home
    From all around the earth
    Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran
    More trouble than they're worth
    And I was tempted to say "I'm sorry
    We'll rebuild you with money and men"
    But I just said, "You're on your own
    And don't fuck with us again"

    My 5th day I changed the army
    So it's all of us or none
    We'll all tie knots and walk through mud
    Pitch tents and fire a gun
    With just a few of us as warriors
    And the rest of us gone soft
    Martians could come and zap us
    Ain't gonna happen on my watch

    Day 6 I swore no prisoner more
    Would face his death inside
    Thou shalt not kill, applies to us all
    Too many mistakes besides
    Day 6 I swore no prisoners more
    Would ever face his death
    At least until my jury hears
    The crimes of President Bush

    Day 7 was hot, I legalized pot
    And none of this decriminalizing crap
    Let it grow in glory, end of story
    Then I burned one & took a nap
    Hemp will help the farmers
    We'll grow hemp everywhere
    One acre of hemp's like 10 acres of trees
    And hemp grows back next year!

    My 8th day I made health care
    Apply to everyone
    If you get sick, see a doctor
    That's how my government's run
    And by the way abortion
    Is included in this plan
    No one tells a girl how to treat her body
    Least of all some man

    My 9th day I said sorry
    This government is no fool
    Ain't gonna play you exra to send your kid to some
    Weird-ass, wacko school
    We'll do our best to make our schools
    The best anyplace on earth
    If they ain't good enough, think about it
    Before you go give birth

    My 10th day I made it OK
    To marry whoever you
    Would be willing to ride with
    On a bicycle built for two
    Marry a woman, marry a man
    Marry a monkey too
    Marry a big old rhino
    And visit him at the zoo

    And that was my first 10 days
    My first 2 working weeks
    Lots of work for the bureaucrats
    And the paper-pushing geeks
    Next we'll need a time
    To go and just have fun
    So we added some new holidays
    The next week, one by one

    Monday was national nude day
    Everyone disrobed
    Tuesday was national stoned day
    Everyone got stoned
    Wednesday was national painting day
    Thursday no television
    Friday was tennis, John McEnroe helped
    From his cabinet position
    Saturday, sex with impunity day
    With no repercussions
    Sunday, do it all: Nude, stoned, tennis, painting, sex, no tv -- enjoy!
    Just be ready for work on Monday

    My cabinet, as previously mentioned
    Includes John McEnroe
    And Wavy Gravy and Michael Franti
    And Ani DiFranco
    Muhammad Ali, Madonna, Maya Angelou, Brad Pitt (for the ladies)
    And Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky
    And we'll watch 'em both go at it
    Next we'll get that Stephen Hawking
    And make him a citizen and stuff
    He's the smartest guy in the world
    England's had him long enough

    And I will not run for re-election
    Four years enough of this
    'Cause between you and me
    I hate politics

    I raised up my hand & said I solemnly swear
    One January day
    And just like that, I was the president
    Of the U.S.A.
    Just like that
    Just like that
    Just like that I was the president Of the U.S.A.
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