What do you say to a murder victim's widow?

Can't add any more to this other than wfw....and we're thinking about you and your friend's family, Inky. Take care.

 

Thanks Cadet, and everybody else.

 

Sorry to hear about your friend, Inky. There has already been some great advice on this thread. All you can really do is say you are sorry for her loss and then let her take the conversation in whatever direction she chooses.

The sister of a close family friend was murdered a few years back. It was a fairly high-profile case (the sister was the first of multiple victims that day). I was very nervous about saying the wrong thing the first time I spoke with her after it happened, but I simply expressed my condolences and let her know I was there for her as we all were. Nothing else you can do.

One thing that really stuck with me was how difficult the the trial was for the victim's family, something else to keep in mind when it comes to that.

 

First of all, I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend.

Words never seem to be enough, no matter what you write or say. As long as you're genuine in your expression of sorrow, the words you use will probably be fine.

 

Cadet's right and the restaurant gift cards are a fantastic idea.

And, I don't want to speak for Inky, but a suspect has been taken into custody.

 

So sorry for your loss, Inky.

What Cadet said is great. Also, when you check in, ask her if there are specific things she needs done, like mowing the lawn or anything around the house her husband might have done. It's great to say "call me if you need anything" but it's hard for some people to call and she might be overwhelmed with tasks and not know who to call or not want to impose.

 

Just spoke to his wife.

She's asked me to write a death notice. I have no clue where to start.

 

For a death notice, I don't know if I'd stray too far from the standard formula. It might be better to stick with the basics.

Otherwise, Cadet, as has been repeated, offers the route to take.

 

That's just it. The paper in his hometown runs standard obits for free, but then allows the family to do paid death notices that are more personalized.

The funeral home is doing the first one. I'm, somehow, supposed to do the second.

 

In that case... The standard stuff goes in there, but tell us about your friend. Add some color to the sterile dates and places. Let us know who he was, not just where he went to school or who signed his paycheck.

When my aunt died in January, I took one look at the obit on the funeral home's Web site and knew I had to do something different for our paper. It was tough to get through, but I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to write it.

My thoughts are with you, and with the rest of his family and friends.

 

Couldn't even begin to imagine this.

Godspeed, Ink.

 

Wow. Prayers for you and the family.

I have worked with grieving people before, and the best I can offer is that simply letting the person know you care is the most you can do. There are no real right words, because the words don't end the grief or bring the person back. But sometimes knowing that someone cares does bring a bit of relief, though small.