We've officially drowned Santa, way to go human race

Should've stayed at a Holiday Inn instead.

 

YOU SEE, THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDN'T USE AERSOL CANS. THIS IS MAN'S FAULT, ALL OF IT, GREEDY CAPITALISTS HAVE CAUSED AN OZONE HOLE AND GLOBAL WARMING......[/tree hugging socialist whacko's and leftist hippies]

 

THIS IS GOD'S ANSWER TO THE SHIPPING INDUSTRY'S PRAYERS. SEE? THE LORD PROVIDES IN THESE LEAN TIMES. HE'S A CAPITALIST. ENVIRONMENTALISTS ARE A BUNCH OF DUMBASSES .... [/Zagoshe and the rest of the red states]

 

AWESOME reference.

 

As soon as Santa stops dealing in fossil fuels (easily the world's top coal distributor), I'll care about his water-logged reindeer.

 

Rudolph sucks.

 

Why won't you let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games?

 

Because he sucks. That's why. Have any of you ever stopped to think about why he wasn't included? They let him play a few times. But he was a detriment to everything they tried to do. And it wasn't that bright, shiny schnoz. He was an uncoordinated, clumsy, reckless waste of space.

Rudolph couldn't run; he was a terrible anchor in the reindeer relays.

Rudolph couldn't balance himself; hockey was out.

Rudolph couldn't jump, either; he was a bumbling doof on the basketball court.

He was better off playing with the misfit toys.

 

Rudolph tries just as hard as Donner and Blitzen!

 

It's not all about effort. Natural talent gets you a starting spot. Rudolph just came in off the bench. They don't need him on the clear nights.

 

You know what keeps NORAD from scrambling jets to blow Santa outta the sky? Rudolph's nose, that's what.

Who you going to put up front to do that? Comet? Cupid? Hell, Rudolph asks them "How's my ass taste?" every Dec. 24.