Well, this is one way to meet the girl you saw on the subway

Ah. Well, then you were right, what more can you do?

 

It's such a crapshoot, though.

I'm a southerner and will often go out of my way to exchange pleasantries with strangers ... and even moreso strangers who are quite hideous in appearance and therefore would die of total awkwardness if said nasty guy were to jump off the train and ask for my number.

 

I came close to that one time. ...

A couple years ago while living in New York, I had a second interview for a job, so I boarded the subway en route to a downtown office. I grabbed a newspaper and took my seat. Being unemployed at the time -- hence the job interview -- I was reading the classified ads when, all of the sudden, I see this striking woman looking in my direction. She had long brown hair, blue eyes, a fantastic smile with legs that went on for miles.

I don't know where I found the courage, but I looked at her, smiled and said, "Hello." She smiled and asked me if I was looking for work. Embarrassed, I lied and told her I was looking at the stock quotes. She laughed and we spoke for a couple minutes until she needed to get off at the next stop. She asked me if I wanted to go with her, and I hesitated, thought for a second and got off the train with her, and, a few minutes later, we wound up in her hotel room.

Well, things were going swimmingly in the room. Before she went to the bathroom, she told me to make myself comfortable. But what did she mean? I didn't know. So I took off my shoes and laid on the bed. "She can't accuse me of not being comfortable," I thought to myself. Then she came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a black lingerie. She was absolutely stunning.

Then it happened. She took off my clothes, stripping me down to my boxers. And much to my surprise, she grabbed my wrists and handcuffed them to the bed posts. I thought this was odd, but it was always a guilty pleasure of mine to be dominated by a woman worlds out of my class. But then she went to the bathroom, which I thought was strange. So there I am, handcuffed to the bed and sitting in my underwear. I was nervous, so I just began chatting about the first thing that came to my mind: "My mother used to walk around the house naked." To this day, I don't know why I would mention that. I mean, my mother was uglier than Hazel (you know, from that television show). Anyway, she actually didn't seem too weirded out by that, which was great. And she came out of the bathroom.

I was stunned. Not because of her beauty, although she was still ravishing, but she was completely dressed again. Completely baffled, I asked her what was going on, and before she answered me, she started rifling through my clothes. She pulled out my wallet and said, "$8? I wasted my morning for $8?" "You're robbing me?" I asked. Then she took my clothes and left me in the hotel room, chained to the bed, freezing in my underwear.

And I didn't even get her number.

 

Fuck you, George Costanza.

 

hahaha. Wasn't meant that way. Any gal would love to have you hittin' on her silly.

 

What about him?

 

Oh. Did that happen to George Costanza, too? He played Chandler in "Friends," right?

 

Gwyneth Paltrow says damnit!

 

Hell, that was pretty much the video

 

GodDAMMIT I will not stand here and read you all trashing "On The Line!" It was the introduction of Emmanuelle Chriqui (sp?).

 

Actually, this was the introduction of sweet Emmanuelle: