Welcome to Crazy Horse. Watch your face.

His attorney could not be reached for comment because he was inspecting the premises and "questioning" the dancer in question.

 

I had my underwear ripped off my body at a strip club in Muncie once ... while I was seated.

I have to give the stripper -- who appeared to be completely whacked out on meth, and when told I had a girlfriend, said she was going to fuck her that night -- loads of credit for her surgical technique, I did not feel a thing. She was a true auteur of underwear ripping.

That was the second-most notable strip club experience I had. First place is a trip to Marion, Ind. for a bachelor party. The two strippers -- one whom had clearly had the shit beaten out her by life (and probably literally) and had an overbite that Deliverance cast members would laugh at, the other was just your run-of-the-mill fat ass small town stripper -- worked the room with Styrofoam change cups.

Don't have a $1? No problem! Drop some coins on their ass! It was a whole new way of making it rain.

Since we were equipped with paper money and a cover story that one of the groomsman was getting married the next day (the actual dude getting married had long since passed out, the fat stripper tongue-kissed our doppelganger ... his life and medial history flashed before his eyes), these two beauties wanted no part of their regular clientele.

It led to a faux-Lynyrd Skynyrd Gimme Three Steps-like moment when it was made clear by the proprietor that we'd better get our college-asses out of Dodge ASAP before someone shot us. We normally would have laughed it off, but someone HAD been shot there a week earlier, so we skedaddled.

 

You're not making it rain, you're making it hail.

 

Damnit.

 

If you're a stripper in Marion, Ind., by definition life has beaten the shit out of you.

 

I don't wanna know about making it snow. :-X

 

Clear heels could probably do some damage.