Wedding Etiquette Dilemna

Cadet, with all due respect, you've dealt with a couple exceptions to the rule.
Most guys will do what it takes to make the bride happy, but very few of them have wedding fantasies. Take it from us, the collective experiences of a group of mainly guys. We've seen the scenario play out thousands of times. It's the bride's day to be a princess, the guy is an accessory.

 

I guess the issue I have with Seabasket and Zeke is even though I'm the rare exception, I did care about my wedding, very much. And to say it's the bride's day is an insult to me, because what day is mine, then? Certainly not the bachelor party because the one I had involved very few actual bachelors and very little in the way of drinking, strippers, etc.

 

Agreed.  Marriage is spending half of your vacation at a retirement home with your wife's grandmother or having to go to another dinner with your wife's boring work friends.  A wedding is a party.

We recently looked at our wedding album and about half of our current friends weren't there.

My biggest problem was that I felt the need to opine on things which I really didn't care (and knew nothing) about.  Once I got past that, I was OK, except for making sure that everything went smoothly.  I really didn't feel truly comfortable until we were in the air on the way to our honeymoon -- which was fantastic.

 

FarmerJ,

My fiancee has been in about four weddings in the last year or so. At three of them, I was in that awkward position where she's sitting at the bridal table and I'm banging down gin-and-tonics with strangers. I generally hate that scenario, although I just suck it up because it's only a few hours and there's not much to be done. But at our wedding, we are sitting alone, and doing away with the bridal table so our friends can avoid that.

We've run into some of the other problems mentioned on this thread so far too.

We're trying to invite everyone who has a significant other with a guest. But we are on a tight budget and paying for the whole thing ourselves. So we thought it was important to give those people who have boyfriends/girlfriends the option, but we are keeping our fingers crossed that they decide to fly solo. I know my three male cousins are all looking forward to coming single and ineptly hitting on the bridesmaids.

And I tend to agree that a cash bar would be tacky. ... Like I said, we're on a budget, but that was non-negotiable. We're doing beer, wine and Champagne. I'm not going to invite people and make them shell out cash at our event.

For the rehearsal dinner, we would have loved to invite all our out-of-town guests, but that's about 140 people, so it was just not possible. We've limited it to only those participating in the wedding ceremony.

Even with all the cutting corners, we are still spending $14K. And yes, eloping is looking real, real good right about now.

 

Billy -- do you get a Bruce song as the first dance? I lost that battle. Quickly.

 

Well, allen, the feminist in me would say that every day is the husband's day. But since from your posts I don't think that's how you roll, I'm glad you took an active part in your wedding.

And to be clear, I don't blame women for having wedding fantasies, at least not much. That shit has been beaten into them by Madison Ave. and their mothers and spinster aunts etc., etc. since they were much too young to understand the for-profit nature of a lot of it.

I guess I'm tackling this a sociological phenomenon rather than a case by case basis. But I still think it odd that Cadet almost married two guys with definite wedding fantasies, while I know exactly zero who have had them. But I guess it takes all kinds.

 

I'm not saying you didn't care. I'm married and my wedding day was great (particularly because my wife was cool enough to want to get married in Vegas). And I cared. But I hardly had a wedding fantasy growing up. I didn't have visions of a horse-drawn carriage or what color tuxedo I'd wear. Many girls think about these things a lot growing up, most guys could care less. That's all I'm saying.
As far as it being the bride's day, let's face the facts, she's the focus of everyone's attention.

 

I'm sure there are some men who dream about big fancy weddings all their life, but I think the fact you don't see a lot of copies of Modern Groom on the news stand tells us there aren't many like that.

 

LOL Alley Allen, maybe if I had as many marraiges as you, they would begin to become a comfortable feeling, and enjoyable.

 

Thanks Jake. I'll be sure and put your name on the dedication page of the inaugural issue of Modern Groom.

Inside our first issue!
* 10 tips on where to put your hands during a lap dance
* Are you really ready for your honeymoon night?
* Beer belly? Ways you can lose weight fast to get that cumerbund to fit.
* Is it OK to cry? Our experts tell you why.
* Shocking secrets mothers-in-law won't tell you.
* Wedding Day Do's and Don'ts: Stay away from the bridesmaids.

 

Y'know, I actually very much enjoyed being married. I was happy having that one person to come home to every night. I just didn't marry the right people (or be a better husband, too, I guess).

 

You can always tell when the wedding is about the trimmings and not the people.  Everyone looks bored, the bride has too much lipstick and melting makeup, and the groom hasn't blinked in four hours.

My sister had one of those weddings...she is crazy in love with her husband, but on the one day that mattered, she treated him like the cabana boy.  I listened to speech after speech, saying how this was 'the most important day of your life!"  So when it was finally my turn, I got up and said 'I really hope this is not the most important day of your life....save that for when you hold your first baby, or walk through the door of your first home, or fall asleep in each others arms when you're 70 and still in love...'  Then I got all teary and had to sit down. My mother thought it was worst speech she ever heard, so I know it was really good.