Wedding attire

No. I was counting people still upright and taking nourishment. I believe the correct answer is "Don Johnson."

 

In the South in the summer, you'll see some seersucker and cotton khaki suits.

 

Yeah, the invitation doesn't specify about attire so I asked. Two of my brothers who are also attending are wearing suits, too.

I'm with you on hating black suits, Frank. I own three suits - one gray, one tan and one brownish with very subtle orange pinstripes. Clearly, since this isn't a summer outdoor wedding, I'm stuck wearing gray tonight.

 

And both are glorious.

As is this look ...

 

I'm gonna need to be very drunk, methinks. I'll share the situation with the board.

The bride texted me a couple weeks ago that the groom "is very nervous about you being at the wedding, he told me he doesn't want you there."

Apparently, he is convinced we're having an affair when she comes back to California to visit family and friends. She transfered up to University of Alaska, Fairbanks this year after their sudden, out-of-the-blue engagement. He's a PFC in the U.S. Army stationed in Fairbanks.

I guess I could see some minor cause for his concern, but calling us out for an affair? I just laughed when she told me that's why she has only been able to call me the last few months, not accept my calls. He's basically controlling her and forbidding her to talk to me when he sees I'm calling or texting.

She and I have become really, really close friends over the last two-plus years. We went through a cuddling/sleeping together but not fucking stage shortly before their engagement, but it never went anywhere because I basically pussed out on pursuing it and we acknowledged it could mess up a really special friendship. She doesn't really have any guy friends.

They got engaged a few weeks after we stopped whatever we were starting, on her very first visit to Alaska after they had been messaging on MySpace. Apparently they dated briefly in high school, but hadn't spoken in four years. Then, boom, she's engaged.

She bailed on her friends, family and sorority to transfer to Alaska, which she hates. Turns out she basically got engaged as a coping mechanism following news that a guy who she dated for three years and was ready to settle down with (and also cheated on her with a friend) was getting married.

Her sorority sisters have set the over-under on divorce at one year.

The part that gets me the most is that her dad had NEVER met the groom before this week.

I can't wait to give this soldier a firm handshake and enjoy the hilarity that is bound to ensue tonight.

 

You might not want to fuck with him. If he thinks you've been banging his future wife, it might be trouble.

 

Hmmm ... he's not wearing white.

 

This was awesome.

 

Over-under on this marriage: eight months. I'll take the under.

 

I'll take the over, but only because

Whoa, be careful man.

 

So cargo shorts and a sleeveless shirt are not an option?

 

I would say the bulletproof vest would be proper dress.