Watching a dying parent suffer

Tri, so sorry to hear this. I have been through this and it is the worst feeling and experience in the world. I understand what you must be going through and how you must be feeling.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family at this difficult time, especially so close to the holiday season.

 

Tri, my prayers are with you.

 

T --
Hang in there.
I went through it almost 20 years ago now and I can remember almost everything about it.
Pax vobiscum, as we used to say.

 

Tri, I was where you are with my father in 1994. I'd told him I loved him all the time and knew he knew it, but it still wasn't easy holding his hand and seeing him off when they turned off the machines.

I hope this applies in your case, but now that I've had a son for 13 years, I realize we don't always tell people we love them. But when my son and I spend time together, we have a connection that tells me, even if he doesn't say it, that he really does love me.

I was fortunate enough to get to spend a lot of time with my dad growng up, mostly with him coaching my baseball team from 2nd through 8th grade and in Scouts. I realize now that I didn't tell him enough to suit me now, but my desire to spend time with him when I wasn't really equipped to think about that kind of stuff said what I couldn't have said then.

I hope you've had the same kind of connection with your loved one at some point. I believe that if you did, they understand how you feel whether you told them or not.

You'll get through this. It's not like you have a choice -- another thing I realized when my dad died.

It's OK to feel however you feel whenever you feel it. Time is the only thing that will make it easier, so be patient. I know it sounds like a load of crap now, but it's the truth.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

Went through it two years ago, around the holidays. It sucks.
And the worst part is, you never know when it'll bite again. Accept it, and don't be ashamed. Thank God I was alone in the house when I saw Jimmy V's ESPYs speech last week. It helped me understand how fragile Mrs. Terrier's system was after she lost her dad years before.

 

Hang in there, TFR. I went through it in 2003.

I'll offer some advice not found in the above posts. Grieve now. You don't have to be a tough guy and not cry in front of your family. That was me. Don't be that guy.

Not grieving then caused me much more sorrow later -- and a guilty feeling for taking my father's death is such a matter-of-fact way.

 

This reminds me of something that my stepmother told me a couple of weeks after dad passed. She said that after my dad received my letter, he indicated to her that it was the first time anybody in the family said it was okay to die. It wasn't intended that way when I wrote it, but looking back I think she was correct and that really left him in peace.

 

trifectarich, my thoughts are with you. Reach out and talk to a family member, girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse during this time. I can't stress that enough.

My father-in-law, who also was my dad's best friend, died of cancer six months after my hubby and I got married. My hubby gets upset thinking about his dad seven-plus years later, but I hug him and love him and am there to listen whenever he needs it.

And the SportsJournalists.com folks are here for you if you need to talk, too.