Was it a sign or just a dumb bird?

I've hit a few birds in my time, but unquestionably the wildest was during a NASCAR two-seater ride at the Louisville Speedway.

Mike Bliss, clearly in media obligation hell, was giving rides to writers around the short track, Louisville was 3/8-mile or something.

Cruising around at over 100 in what amounted to the space you'd have to do a parking lot donut in, a wayward Ohio River seagull picked the wrong day to take in the action. Flew right into the windshield at speed and was obliterated from the face of the earth. No trace of the bird on the windshield at all. It was just like Randy Johnson's fastball.

 

Time to invent the 500-point shot.

 

About two years ago I was driving down the highway not far from my house. There's an area where I'd seen pheasant's on the side of the road, and on this particular day I could see one off on the left shoulder. I was going from a 50 to a 55 mph zone and speeding up a bit when all of the sudden the pheasant takes off in flight across the highway. "No problem," I think. "It'll be well across by the time I get there." Suddenly, the thing just pulls up in flight and hovers. A split-second later, THUD! Right off my windshield. What was really interesting is the slope of my windshield shot it straight up in the air, and I could see in my rear view mirror as it fell to the shoulder of the road. Big freaking bird, too.

 

Neither have I.

Glad you're all right.

 

It's probably the smokes that protected him.

 

What did we do for fun before you figured out the image function?

 

Fun with the image function indeed.

 

Hmm, that was a poorly typed sentence. And yes, I do believe the power of the Pall Malls saved me.

 

Looks like the bird's waiting for BYH...

 

Bird. Bad. Worse?
Driving through Utah at night, in a rented Explorer, my wife and I clobbered a fucking deer. A big ass buck. Didn't even see it. It wasn't in the middle of the road and wouldn't move. It must have been on the side, had hair up its ass and wanted to take on a Hertz-owned Explorer.
The whole side of the SUV was torn up. No windows, glass everywhere. Mangled metal.
So, now what do you do? There's this big fucking buck in the middle of the road. It's the middle of the night. So, I approach the damn thing sprawled out in the middle of the highway. Get within a couple of feet. Like I have a clue what to do.
Then, BAM! The sucker pops up and runs into the wooded area. I crap myself.
I go back to the Explorer and close the door that now doesn't close. We start driving to St. George and it's about an hour away and we freeze our asses off. Duct Tape and plastic. A lot of Duct Tape and plastic.
You should have the guy's face at the Hertz return center in Las Vegas.

 

This might be the most entertaining dead bird thread in SJ history.

 

Similar thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago ... with a golf ball. I still don't know how it didn't dent my car.