Want to Get Married? Answer these...

But Rev. Haggard was saved from the demon homosexuality by the retraining course (or whatever bullshit program it was) the church put him through... of course they're going to pronounce the good reverend completely homosexual. They don't want to admit the treatments didn't work.

 

I'll be honest...I truly enjoyed being married. Between the two of them, I was married for 13 years and for a majority of that time, I enjoyed it. It was comforting to know I was going home to this particular woman (or women, since I was married twice) and not a stranger or an empty house.

That being said, questions like those on that list should be required. In fact, I would support some form of these questions being required prior to getting a marriage license. Think about how a reduction in the divorce rate (and marriage rate) might help society as a whole.

 

Unfortunately too many people think that way. My wife & I must've gotten four or five sets of candlesticks as engagaement gifts.

 

If that's not a deal-killer I don't know what is.

Now I do know a couple, my buddy and his wife, who married at 40, both thinking they love their high flying ($$$) life and did not want kids, then without trying they end up with two great kids and he tells me they're the best thing that ever happened to him. So that does happen.

But kids are a huge undertaking and you've got to want them otherwise its so easy to resent them.

 

I don't even have kids and I resent them.

 

One place I lived, you couldn't get married in an area church unless you went through premarital counseling, where a list of very similar questions was discussed. My sister, who was getting married at the time, thought it was crap because "every engaged couple is gonna talk about that stuff." I thought it was brilliant because so many couples don't talk about some of that stuff.

 

Most couples probably do talk about this stuff and more.
However, when fundamental differences arise on these points, they discount them. They fail to realize that they are incompatible and unsuited to be in a long-term monogamous relationship together.
They think love resolves all problems.
It doesn't.

 

What the NYT left out is sometimes the answers to those questions can change. It's not like you can answer these 15, and then it's smooth sailing.

 

You may agree with your future spouse on every one of these questions, but, 5 to 10 years down the road, your opinions may change.
People change over time.
I've been married for 8 years and I know both of us have changed over that time. But we love each other and that's the most important thing.

 

If you didn't see the Daily Show the other night, Jon Stewart mused on how he the fundamentalists re-trained him, by comparing it to when your father caught you smoking and made you smoke a whole carton as punishment.

Seriously, it's fair to think your opinions on these 15 issues (and many more) might change over time. What's important is that you take the time to discuss them when they do.

I got married four months ago and we've already covered these issues forward and backward. There will be others, I'm sure, but we always talk about things before they could become a source of division. On the contrary, I can point to the issue or issues from this list that sabotaged every one of my failed relationships.