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Want a good student? Stop praising your kid, don't tell them they're smart

Discussion in 'Sports and News' started by Small Town Guy, Jan 5, 2014.

  1. Mizzougrad96

    Mizzougrad96 Active Member

    At our parent teacher conferences, I always ask where my kids need to improve. Then when I go home, I tell them, you're teacher says you're doing well, but you need to work more on your handwriting. So from now on, you're practicing your handwriting for 30 minutes each night.

    One of my best friends from high school was a c-minus student who scored in the 1400s on the SAT. He was smart as can be, but everybody told him how smart he was and it made him lazy. He never did his homework, never studied. He never did his readings and just would try to coast through life without working on anything. Even as kids we were like, "What is wrong with you?" but his parents didn't care because they knew how smart he was...

    He works for the government now. The last time I saw him I asked him about his job and he said, "I'm a delegator."
     
  2. Dick Whitman

    Dick Whitman Well-Known Member

    That's not it. It's about what you are complimenting and encouraging them for.

    When you say, "You're so smart," you might as well say, "You have such nice ankles."
     
  3. Mizzougrad96

    Mizzougrad96 Active Member

    I don't think telling your kid they're smart is a bad thing. I think telling your 7-year-old he's smart for doing something a 4-year-old can do is a bad thing.
     
  4. Dick Whitman

    Dick Whitman Well-Known Member

    I also think it depends on context.
    In exmediahack's situation, he had to tell his daughter that she was smart because she didn't realize it. But if your kid gets a 95 on a math test, it's probably better to praise with, "I'm proud of you for working hard" than, "I'm proud of you for being so smart."

    It's, admittedly, a fine line. But it makes sense to me.
     
  5. poindexter

    poindexter Well-Known Member

  6. poindexter

    poindexter Well-Known Member

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  7. poindexter

    poindexter Well-Known Member

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    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  8. Boom_70

    Boom_70 Well-Known Member

    Best advise I've ever seen on a death bed was when Reverend Larson told
    Shallow Hal that "hot young tail is what it's all about"
     
  9. cranberry

    cranberry Well-Known Member

    I tried to praise effort and enthusiasm rather than results. I saw my job as nurturing curiosity and a thirst for learning without instilling unrealistic expectations or a fear of failure. I pretended never to give a crap about the grades.
     
  10. Mizzougrad96

    Mizzougrad96 Active Member

    What's crazy is the people I know who had Tiger Moms or Tiger Dads as they're called all did really, really well.

    I don't have it in me to put my kids through that.
     
  11. Mizzougrad96

    Mizzougrad96 Active Member

    I remember having a few people in my high school classes who would just start sobbing if they ever got anything less than an A. I don't want my kids to be like that.
     
  12. printit

    printit Member

    “These are very persuasive findings,” says Columbia’s Dr. Geraldine Downey, a specialist in children’s sensitivity to rejection. “They show how you can take a specific theory and develop a curriculum that works.” Downey’s comment is typical of what other scholars in the field are saying. Dr. Mahzarin Banaji, a Harvard social psychologist who is an expert in stereotyping, told me, “Carol Dweck is a flat-out genius. I hope the work is taken seriously. It scares people when they see these results.”

    I love that Dr. Banaji's "compliment" to Carol Dweck, in light of this study, is to call her a "flat-out genius". (I know, the study was kids, not adults. I still thought it was funny).

    On a serious note, thanks to OP. I was thinking of this article last night and going to try and find it today, and I came here first and saw this thread. Go SportsJournalists.com!
     
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