"Various Things That Piss You Off" rolling thread

Dead. To. Me!

 

Please, tell me you're kidding, Wonder Woman. Please...

 

Oh my God, yeah.

Beggars, choosers.

 

Morons who park their shopping carts in the middle of the aisle so nobody else can get around them.

TV dorks who thank/blame the weather forecaster for that day's weather.

TV weather dorks who tell me what to do during a storm if I'm in church. Hey douche bag, if I'm in fucking church, chances are I'm not watching your fucking broadcast.

 

I'm something of an outdoorsman and conservationist, so I don't mean to type ill of wildlife, but...

The bluebirds of cocksuckery piss me off. For those of you who've never been to Kansas, there's not just one such bird, there are thousands. Their leader resides in Lawrence, but his legions are, well, legion. Furthermore, they have a plan for continental domination. Don't believe me? Look at this document, which I intercepted from a communique from the BBo'CS intelligence agency that was intended for the president of the African nation of Niger.


Imperialistic ambitions aside, the birds themselves are a constant nuisance, if not outright menace, as they were during the warm weather last weekend. They were in a frenzy of gay friskiness.

"CAAWK! CAWK! CAWK!"

I finally had to start wearing a codpiece when going outside because of the flocks of sexually aggressive birds going for my dick. Kind of like Hitchcock meets Spring Break in Key West.

 

Very funny, writing irish. You have performed your recon mission well. Good intel

 

Not kidding really. I find myself strangely attracted to Tucker. I think it's the bowtie he used to wear.

 

On a related note, people done with their shopping carts at their cars who just mindlessly fling them away before they drive off. Saw one such cart hit a car yesterday. Total dickheadedness.

 

*months of built-up libidinous thoughts slowly draining away*

You love accessories, girl. I'll give you that

 

- Uni-testicled cyclist skating on doping charges

- Euro dudes in thongs

- Seacrest

 

- Cockblockers, of either gender