Valentine's Day, ugh!

Would you like fries with that?

 

I've lived a sheltered life.

 

Would you like that supersized?

 

Thank god I'll be on a flight to Guatemala on VDay this year. Maybe I'll be sitting next to a single hottie who's upset at being alone for Valentine's.

More likely I'll be sitting next to some fat, sweaty slob who asks if I'm going to finish my pretzels.

 

That's what she said...

 

And they have logo merchandise. No thong, but they have a teddy bear. Something so wrong about that.

 

From Nerf Herder's "Pervert":

"That night you asked me over to watch Hollywood Squares
You left me in your room, I left a stain on your teddy bear
Can you see it in my eyes, can you see it in my smile?
Can you see the way I imagine you doing doggystyle?"

 

I'm so fucking glad I'm single this year.

I HATE buying shit on Valentine's Day, especially considering one of the first girls I ever dated was NEVER satisfied with what I got her, no matter how much that shit cost.

And the most recent ex? She (along with all of her fucking family and friends and pets and whatever the fuck else she has) was expecting either an engagement ring or for us to already be hitched around this time, and we all know how that ended.

Fuck Valentine's Day.

 

Not me, dude. I miss it every year.

 

Luckily for me, my girlfriend is awesome, so when i suggested we go have dinner at a, ahem, gentlemen's club, she was all about it. (and yes, they do have a legit dinner menu that's supposed to be good). so i made reservations -- they have a valentine's special for couples -- and it will be a valentine's day replete with titties and steak.

so, no, i can't say "fuck valentine's day" -- it rules (this year at least).

 

I think you should change your name to MrWrong.

 

Dude, you better be ready to see shakin' schlongs on Steak and BJ Day.