Up the Creek

old_tony · Aug 2, 2008

Bubbler said:

(continued)

Sometime between the leap and when I landed hard in gravel-bed under two feet of water, it dawned on me that this was not going to be Up The Creek-ish.

The first sign of trouble was my sled. Not to blow your mind or anything, but plastic sleds bought at Toys-R-Us do NOT float. They don't come close. Unfortunates who have been whacked by the mob and dumped in the river with cement shoes float better than a plastic sled. My race was over before it began.

Or was it? My gloating buddies took to the river in their inflatables. Yes, they did float. But given the glacial pace of the current in the Menomonee River, they were due to arrive at the finish line approximately ... now. They weren't going anywhere.

So here we were, Up The Creek ... literally. Since we were already drenched with river water that smelled like a Holstein cow's ass and industrial metal, riding the bus back was out. We were forced to make a death march down river, through a city golf course, to a point where we could get out and walk home.

I cannot tell you how sublimely ridiculous my friends and I must have looked to the golfers at Hansen Park that day. I almost wish I could have been in their head when they caught the first glimpse of two dudes marooned in plastic rafts (and since it was '85, those rafts probably had a Smurf emblazoned on them), joined by yours truly walking down river with his snow sled. This was at the height of Just Say No, after having witnessed us, they probably had Nancy Reagan on speed dial.

Failing that, they called a golf marshall and let us know in no uncertain terms that the authorities would coming soon if we didn't haul ass out of their golf round. So now we had to Das Boot it to the Swan Boulevard bridge, about a half-mile away, in double-quick time. We had to do it via the river, as any entry on to the golf course itself was an invitation for law enforcement.

A river, by the way, that had the muddiest bottom I've ever had the misfortune of walking through with a plastic snow sled in my life. Honest to God, it was up to my chest at one point, every inch of it probably saturated in heavy metals and pesticides.

Fuck that, fuck the river and fuck my friends too, I was sick of this shit.

I finally risked certain misdemeanor hard time, and possibly, exposing myself to the first Darwin Award won by a living person if the tale of our stupidity got out, and exited stage left out of the river on the golf course. I dodged golf marshall trouble and waited for my friends at the bridge. Five-0 never came, of course, so my friends ended up enjoying a relaxing float down the Menomonee before we met up again.

We were still about 4 miles from home. I walked the bitter walk of Up The Creek, snow sled-division defeat through Wauwatosa that August day. Caked in river mud, smelling like the Loch Ness Monster's vagina, with sled in hand, it was a sorry site.

Somehow, my dad never found out about it until years later. Or at least, he acted like he didn't know.

To sum up. Fuck you, Up The Creek.
Click to expand...

Did you at least find Ray Brower's body?

Norman Stansfield · Dec 15, 2014

Bubbler said:

This is very close to the spot where I got out of the river ... as you can see, we were brainiacs for even trying.

Click to expand...

Should've come back in June during the floods and tried again, Bubbs.

The Menomonee River closely resembed some of the whitewater rapids that make their way through the Grand Canyon.

A lifejacket would have been a good idea, though.

old_tony · Dec 15, 2014

Norman Stansfield said:

Bubbler said:

This is very close to the spot where I got out of the river ... as you can see, we were brainiacs for even trying.

Click to expand...

Should've come back in June during the floods and tried again, Bubbs.

The Menomonee River closely resembed some of the whitewater rapids that make their way through the Grand Canyon.

A lifejacket would have been a good idea, though.
Click to expand...

A hardhat, too, because he would have slammed his head on that bridge.

Norman Stansfield · Dec 15, 2014

old_tony said:

Norman Stansfield said:

Bubbler said:

This is very close to the spot where I got out of the river ... as you can see, we were brainiacs for even trying.

Click to expand...

Should've come back in June during the floods and tried again, Bubbs.

The Menomonee River closely resembed some of the whitewater rapids that make their way through the Grand Canyon.

A lifejacket would have been a good idea, though.
Click to expand...

A hardhat, too, because he would have slammed his head on that bridge.
Click to expand...

Somehow I believe that Bubbs' head is already hard enough.

Bubbler · Aug 2, 2008

Huggy said:

Bubbler's tale sounds like it would have been a lot more fun than the movie.

Bubbs, did you and your buddies ever try and recreate the Chinese Downhill from Ht Dog: The Movie? (A damn good piece of celluloid if you ask me.)
Click to expand...

Had we seen Hot Dog before Up The Creek, I'm sure we would have tried.

BYH · Aug 3, 2008

old_tony said:

Bubbler said:

(continued)

Sometime between the leap and when I landed hard in gravel-bed under two feet of water, it dawned on me that this was not going to be Up The Creek-ish.

The first sign of trouble was my sled. Not to blow your mind or anything, but plastic sleds bought at Toys-R-Us do NOT float. They don't come close. Unfortunates who have been whacked by the mob and dumped in the river with cement shoes float better than a plastic sled. My race was over before it began.

Or was it? My gloating buddies took to the river in their inflatables. Yes, they did float. But given the glacial pace of the current in the Menomonee River, they were due to arrive at the finish line approximately ... now. They weren't going anywhere.

So here we were, Up The Creek ... literally. Since we were already drenched with river water that smelled like a Holstein cow's ass and industrial metal, riding the bus back was out. We were forced to make a death march down river, through a city golf course, to a point where we could get out and walk home.

I cannot tell you how sublimely ridiculous my friends and I must have looked to the golfers at Hansen Park that day. I almost wish I could have been in their head when they caught the first glimpse of two dudes marooned in plastic rafts (and since it was '85, those rafts probably had a Smurf emblazoned on them), joined by yours truly walking down river with his snow sled. This was at the height of Just Say No, after having witnessed us, they probably had Nancy Reagan on speed dial.

Failing that, they called a golf marshall and let us know in no uncertain terms that the authorities would coming soon if we didn't haul ass out of their golf round. So now we had to Das Boot it to the Swan Boulevard bridge, about a half-mile away, in double-quick time. We had to do it via the river, as any entry on to the golf course itself was an invitation for law enforcement.

A river, by the way, that had the muddiest bottom I've ever had the misfortune of walking through with a plastic snow sled in my life. Honest to God, it was up to my chest at one point, every inch of it probably saturated in heavy metals and pesticides.

Fuck that, fuck the river and fuck my friends too, I was sick of this shit.

I finally risked certain misdemeanor hard time, and possibly, exposing myself to the first Darwin Award won by a living person if the tale of our stupidity got out, and exited stage left out of the river on the golf course. I dodged golf marshall trouble and waited for my friends at the bridge. Five-0 never came, of course, so my friends ended up enjoying a relaxing float down the Menomonee before we met up again.

We were still about 4 miles from home. I walked the bitter walk of Up The Creek, snow sled-division defeat through Wauwatosa that August day. Caked in river mud, smelling like the Loch Ness Monster's vagina, with sled in hand, it was a sorry site.

Somehow, my dad never found out about it until years later. Or at least, he acted like he didn't know.

To sum up. Fuck you, Up The Creek.
Click to expand...

Did you at least find Ray Brower's body?
Click to expand...

holy crap, that made me laugh.

Tom Petty · Aug 3, 2008

Inky_Wretch said:

Ah, Jennifer Runyon. Hubba hubba.
Click to expand...

i was going to post a jennifer runyon pic and searched for jennifer runyon boobs ... i came up with this instead ...

slightly NSFW http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y60/Skitch929/epic20boobs.jpg

JackReacher · Aug 3, 2008

Tom Petty said:

Inky_Wretch said:

Ah, Jennifer Runyon. Hubba hubba.
Click to expand...

i was going to post a jennifer runyon pic and searched for jennifer runyon boobs ... i came up with this instead ...

slightly NSFW http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y60/Skitch929/epic20boobs.jpg
Click to expand...

Solid.

old_tony · Aug 3, 2008

BYH said:

old_tony said:

Bubbler said:

(continued)

Sometime between the leap and when I landed hard in gravel-bed under two feet of water, it dawned on me that this was not going to be Up The Creek-ish.

The first sign of trouble was my sled. Not to blow your mind or anything, but plastic sleds bought at Toys-R-Us do NOT float. They don't come close. Unfortunates who have been whacked by the mob and dumped in the river with cement shoes float better than a plastic sled. My race was over before it began.

Or was it? My gloating buddies took to the river in their inflatables. Yes, they did float. But given the glacial pace of the current in the Menomonee River, they were due to arrive at the finish line approximately ... now. They weren't going anywhere.

So here we were, Up The Creek ... literally. Since we were already drenched with river water that smelled like a Holstein cow's ass and industrial metal, riding the bus back was out. We were forced to make a death march down river, through a city golf course, to a point where we could get out and walk home.

I cannot tell you how sublimely ridiculous my friends and I must have looked to the golfers at Hansen Park that day. I almost wish I could have been in their head when they caught the first glimpse of two dudes marooned in plastic rafts (and since it was '85, those rafts probably had a Smurf emblazoned on them), joined by yours truly walking down river with his snow sled. This was at the height of Just Say No, after having witnessed us, they probably had Nancy Reagan on speed dial.

Failing that, they called a golf marshall and let us know in no uncertain terms that the authorities would coming soon if we didn't haul ass out of their golf round. So now we had to Das Boot it to the Swan Boulevard bridge, about a half-mile away, in double-quick time. We had to do it via the river, as any entry on to the golf course itself was an invitation for law enforcement.

A river, by the way, that had the muddiest bottom I've ever had the misfortune of walking through with a plastic snow sled in my life. Honest to God, it was up to my chest at one point, every inch of it probably saturated in heavy metals and pesticides.

Fuck that, fuck the river and fuck my friends too, I was sick of this shit.

I finally risked certain misdemeanor hard time, and possibly, exposing myself to the first Darwin Award won by a living person if the tale of our stupidity got out, and exited stage left out of the river on the golf course. I dodged golf marshall trouble and waited for my friends at the bridge. Five-0 never came, of course, so my friends ended up enjoying a relaxing float down the Menomonee before we met up again.

We were still about 4 miles from home. I walked the bitter walk of Up The Creek, snow sled-division defeat through Wauwatosa that August day. Caked in river mud, smelling like the Loch Ness Monster's vagina, with sled in hand, it was a sorry site.

Somehow, my dad never found out about it until years later. Or at least, he acted like he didn't know.

To sum up. Fuck you, Up The Creek.
Click to expand...

Did you at least find Ray Brower's body?
Click to expand...

holy crap, that made me laugh.
Click to expand...

I'm glad somebody got it.

BYH · Aug 3, 2008

Ace Merrill then beat Bubbs near to death.

mike311gd · Aug 3, 2008

That was awesome, Bubbler. I'll read your stories any time, any day and in any place.

And Ace sucks, BYH. He doesn't have the stones to cut even you.

(Not you, Ace. I know you'd cut BYH. We all would.)

Inky_Wretch · Aug 3, 2008

Tom Petty said:

Inky_Wretch said:

Ah, Jennifer Runyon. Hubba hubba.
Click to expand...

i was going to post a jennifer runyon pic and searched for jennifer runyon boobs ... i came up with this instead ...

slightly NSFW http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y60/Skitch929/epic20boobs.jpg
Click to expand...

She never did show them in "Up The Creek," did she?

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Up the Creek

old_tony Well-Known Member

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