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Too harsh for preps?

Discussion in 'Journalism topics only' started by TyWebb, Sep 22, 2007.

  1. TyWebb

    TyWebb Well-Known Member

    Was working on my Friday gamer about a team that has not allowed a point all season. Tonight, their opponent got into the red zone four times and four times were turned away without anything to show for it. Came up with this line to describe it:

    "Team A dangled points in front of Team B like a child teasing a pet"

    After talking with the rest of the staff, I took it out because it was a consensus it sounded too harsh, plus I wasn't sure it would convey the image I wanted it to.

    Question: Is that line too harsh for preps?
  2. spnited

    spnited Active Member

    "dangled points?" WTF does that mean?

    Never mind to harsh, it makes no sense.
  3. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    What spnited said. And given what you were trying to say, yes, it was too harsh for preps.
  4. Jeremy Goodwin

    Jeremy Goodwin Active Member

    So team A was 0-4 in the red zone and team B continued to give no points up this season? So then in your analogy the pet (team B) got revenge on the child (team A) for teasing them? Revenge being no points. This is too confusing. Play it straight. "Despite getting to the red zone four times, team A didn't get any points. This was team B's __ shut out of the season." or something like that.
  5. The general rule is this: If you have to ask someone if the metaphor works, it probably doesn't.
  6. TyWebb

    TyWebb Well-Known Member

    Yeah, that is what I thought after re-reading the line.

    I was just curious where people thought the line should be drawn with preps and how close the sentiment of a line like that came to it.
  7. I agree that this metaphor doesn't really make sense. I mean, the team wasn't really "dangling points." Were they standing around on defense, pointing at the end zone and laughing, pretending like they would let the other team score before smothering the ball carrier? I'm guessing no.

    If you think it really deserves this kind of treatment, ask around and find a better metaphor. Otherwise play it straight.
  8. For what it's worth Ty, I actually really like the analogy.
    I totally understood what meant. It means that a dominant defense let the opposition on the doorstep oof the endzone twice, without allowing any points.

    However, I would've added to the analogy with other metaphors or with a continued explanation of how big the stops were.

    Regarding it being too harsh for preps -- no way.

    I think that's the problem with prep reporting. These kids are 18 years old. They can handle it. I could when I played.

    And in terms of playing it straight -- do readers really get inspired byh "playing it straight?"
  9. txsportsscribe

    txsportsscribe Active Member

    like a child teasing a pet? i'm calling peta!
  10. Jeremy Goodwin

    Jeremy Goodwin Active Member

    I don't think readers get inspired by "playing it straight" but it's better to be clear than to confuse readers, especially when writing a tighter on a deadline. A desk shouldn't have to interpret analogies on a Friday night when they have other stories to read.
  11. Some Guy

    Some Guy Active Member

    Maybe the metaphor could use some tweaking, but I don't see how that line is too harsh for preps. I don't see how it's harsh at all, frankly.
  12. Bob Slydell

    Bob Slydell Active Member

    It's not harsh, just a really bad line.

    you should say Team A scored lesss than the fat, pimply guy with bad body odor in high school. Now THAT is a (bad) line.
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