Tonight - best night of sports - ever

Here is who is playing in the Australian Open semis:






I think I deserve a little "me time" watching this alone in the office.

 

Maybe you could see if they could install a stripper pole along the benches so they could dance for you during breaks, Dexter.

 

Is that bottom picture even real? Who the hell deep-throats an actual banana?

 

I'm not a fan of strippers, whores, skanks, cheerleaders, SI swimsuit models, Victoria's Secret models, strip poles, etc.

These attractive, athletic tennis players are the absolutely the most gorgeous women on earth. God bless these eastern European countries producing these women.

 

What about rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists?

 

I like all of those but one.

 

People are funny critters. There's apple pie bakers, And crooked book makers, And blondes and brunetters, And birthday forgetters, And chicken fry lovers, And blue eyed soul brothers, And drinkers and boozers, And winners and losers, And elephant trainers, And tireless campaigners, And fixers and menders, And paper clip benders, And goers and stayers, And pinochle players, And handkerchief users, And tissue abusers, And interstate bikers, And wilderness hikers, And joggers and addicts, And handball fanatics, And kissers and tellers, And friends of the fellers, And lovers and fighters, And finger nail biters, And mayonnaise dippers, And miracle whippers, And newspaper readers, And drivers and speeders, And overweight hookers, And magazine lookers, And people with answers, And bottomless dancers, And quivering flunkers, And basketball dunkers, And readers and thinkers, And double scotch drinkers, And soda straw manglers, And bar napkin stranglers, And teasers and triers, And high rolling flyers, And uncles and sisters, And passive resisters, And virtuous girlies, And sillies and squirlies, And weirdoes and sickies, And five dollar quickies, And xylophone pickers, And popsicle lickers, And yawners and nappers, And one handicappers, And zippy old timers, And lunatic rhymers. People are funny critters.

 

What's your goddamn problem with Methodists?

 

They're fucking weird.

I can't believe you got it on the first try.

 

My wife's a Methodist.

 

Oh, boys!!

 

Ok, But we won't take the Irish....