Today's screwy sportsdesk call

Used to have some kid with braces call us at deadline nightly asking for the most obvious scores. Nothing local. He's ask shit like, "What was the final score of The Super Bowl?" Fucking pain in the ass. I think he called to annoy us more than anything else.

 

When I was in college I worked in the newsroom of a TV station, 1977 or so. One Sunday afternoon, I gets a call from a guy who's helping his son with a school project and he needs to list all 50 states.

"I keep coming up with 49," he said.

It was North Dakota.

 

I just re-watched an episode of Friends yesterday...season seven, Thanksgiving episode where Chandler challenges all of them to "name all 50 states in six minutes." Apparently if you can't get them in six minutes, there's no hope for you. Joey "wins" with 56.

I know I could do it, partly because when I was in a jazz choir in middle school, we learned a song with all of them in alphabetical order. I can still sing it. ;D

[/end threadjack]

 

Was it the Fifty Nifty United States ... from 13 original colonies ... scout 'em, shout 'em, tell all about 'em ... one by one until we've given a name to every state in the good, old U ... S ... A?

 

Me: Copydesk.
Caller: I know you're going to hang up on me, but if you have any heart you won't. I've talked to everyone, the police, the hospital, city council, and they refuse to do anything for me, because they don't care. I'm at the end of my rope. My daughter has married a thug who keeps threatening to kill me. No one believes me, but it's true. He's a drunk and he cusses and says all sorts of nasty things to me. I think he beats her but she keeps going back to him. One of these days he's going to kill her and me, and he says these awful things, but the police don't do anything about it. They told me they don't believe me, so what in the hell am I supposed to do? You people better cover this. You better start covering how the police are in the back pocket of this thug, because it's a conspiracy against me and my daughter. What in the hell am I supposed to do, huh? What do you think I should do? You better start covering this. He's a drunk and he cusses and says these awful things to me, and one of these days he's going to kill me and it's going to be everyone's fault.
Me: One second. (transfers to news editor)
News editor hangs up on her after five seconds.

 

I'm still waiting for the space shuttle to collide with the moon.

 

I wouldn't have wasted her time. After she said "I know you are going to hang up on me" Stop her. "Well, I don't want to disappoint you then." <click>

 

Eh, I was semi-tuning her out. Put the phone on my shoulder and started budgeting the paper.

 

I love that one. They're all good, actually.

 

Utah? You can't start making up states, Ross!

 

Joey: How is New England not a state? Huh? They have a sports team!

Chandler: Does South Oregon have a sports team?

 

This little gem was on one of our guys' lines today. This is paraphrased, of course:

This is Mrs. Johnson from Radcliff. I see a big, big headline on NASCAR and not a thing on Michael Phelps. What's a matter with you people? Thank you.

--

We had a story on Phelps on the FRONT FREAKING PAGE, lady. Look to the left of the freaking NASCAR story and you will see the headline that says "Golden Phelps eager to sleep in his own bed."

But no, that's not a story about a guy who just won EIGHT FREAKING GOLD MEDALS in the Olympics.

Not at all.

It was about some Joe Schmoe in our community who just happened to travel to Beijing for something related to sports for a few weeks.

Yeah. That wasn't Michael Phelps on our front page that you didn't see.