This just arrived in the mail ...

I have personal gripes with Reilly, but for the most part he still turns a tight phrase and makes me laugh.

I loved this, on gloves:

"You couldn't stop a beach ball with those big goofy things. What, is Hamburger Helper a sponsor? Why must they be so huge? Doesn't Roger Rabbit need them back? And where do the batteries go? How are goalkeepers expected to hang on to the ball with them on? And is it difficult to play goalie while also taking things out of the oven?"

Classic Reilly? Nah, but classic all the same.

 

I think this section sums up most Americans' feelings for soccer.
I know hockey has ties during the regular season, but ... it's the regular season and it figures into who makes the playoffs. What other sport allows ties in its most important tournament?
In the immortal words of Herm Edwards, "You play to win the game."

 

In the World Cup, "You play to get out of the Group."

I guess what bothers me about columns like this is that it required Reilly to dumb himself down and act like he was more ignorant than he is. It just rings false. I don't believe Reilly really thinks any of the things he wrote in it.

 

We have a guy who is the opposite of that. When it's something he hates, he overwrites the living hell out of it. Trying to make it something it clearly is not. That's worse. Because he files 800 words instead of 400. Uses dollar words when 10 cents will do. Turns reporting into prose. It drives me nuts.

 

Oh, and I forgot to mention, this made me laugh for some reason:

Yes, I know that centuries ago, the vuvuzelas were made from animal horns to call the village elders in for a meeting. And I'll bet you five wildebeests that when the elders finally got to the meeting they said, "Would you STOP already with the blowing? You're making me crazy!"

Other than that, awful stuff.

 

That's the problem with the "I hate World Cup" column. There's one written in every city and they all read the same. Just because there's a Reilly stamp doesn't make it better.

 

They'd have to write about the soccer, especially this Spain-Switzerland game where all the Spain team does is play catch. It makes the four-corners offense look positively energized.

Wait! A Spanish guy shoots... misses the net entirely but nails a camera lying on the ground behind the goal. So there is excitement.

 

Hockey hasn't had tied games since the NHL instituted the shootout in '05-06.

And I used to be a big fan of Reilly's.

 

Right wing passes to center, back to right wing, back to center, center holds it, HOLDS IT, HOOOOLDSSSS ITTTTT!!!!

 

this is how you cover soccer -- Germany vs Greece -- one of the greatest games ever played

 

No way anybody does a post better than this in 2010.
The padding line was off the hook.