Things that irk you......

People who leave the supermarket checkout line to get "one more thing," but leave all their shit in line to hold their place, and then get pissy when you move their shit and go ahead of them.

 

People who assume I give a shit about a sports team because I live in the city where that team plays.

 

Flu and flu stricken individuals who should be home dying and not infecting the rest of us fine specimens of human beings.

 

I 100 percent get you except congratulating the winning team is just good form.

 

School districts dismissing school for a full day so students can watch some damn parade honoring millionaires.

 

Having to take a shit in a public bathroom.

Now back to the Astros discussion.

 

Does that irk you, or are you just giving us too much information? It could go either way with you.

 

Hmm. I think the answer is both.

 

In fairness we had a whole thread dedicated to people's bout with homebowl syndrome...

 

So this was all my fault, let’s be clear about that. And yet am I not allowed to be irked by something that happened because of my own failings? I sure hope so, because there’d be little left.

I’m driving home last night and a cop pulls behind me, a development that might have triggered apprehension on other evenings — one too many; any night in my 20s basically — but gave me no cause for alarm bc I’m sober and driving a legal car. Or so I thought.

He comes up to the passenger window and, like the simp automaton that I am, I ask him if there’s something wrong. He says yeah, there’s a lot wrong — with my car. Not only is my registration supposedly three years’ expired but the plates were reported stolen. Im-fucking-possible, I tell him. I’ve had this car since 2004, and it’s had the same plates. It’s at this point that I notice his last name and realize I’m talking to the oldest brother of a girl I grew up with. I mention this but it doesn’t register or he feigns as much.

He asks for proof of registration and then it dawns on me: the car is still registered to my ex-wife, who I know pays taxes on it. I show him my Geico card, which is up to date, which might earn me some grace. The problem? The ex stopped re-upping the registration. At this point I know I’m fucked. Of course I should have proper registration on my car, but to me it’s just a formality (bc I’m an idiot). The cops asks me if I have another car and I say no. My daughter is home with her babysitter, I tell him, and I need to call and say I’m running late. He goes back to his cruiser and I call the babysitter and tell her the deal. Tell her I might need her to come pick me up soon bc my car might get impounded.

Well, the officer returns, gives me a $234 ticket for driving without the registration, tells me to plead not guilty, says to get the car registered in my name and then have proof when I go to traffic court, when they’ll probably knock them penalty down to a nominal fee.

In the meantime he tells me to drive straight home without getting in an accident. He makes clear he could have me impounded and I acknowledge this and thank him. So I ask him for what I’m sure is the second time why he pulled me over, and he said his cruiser has a license plate reader, which constantly read plates and automatically flag cars that are unregistered, reported stolen, etc. It was an error that it was stolen; not that it was unregistered. Not sure how I feel about such devices, and yet but if I were riding clean I wouldn’t have had anything to worry about. He told me he was amazed I’d avoided detection for three years. I was this close to saying something smartass..

He leaves and then I go to start my car and the battery is now dead. Seriously. WTF.

I get out of the car and flag him down before he leaves and I ask him for a jump. He apologizes but says he can’t do it. Rules blah blah. He asks me if I have anyone who can help me. Luckily I have my own jumper cables, so I call my babysitter and she comes out with my daughter in the backseat. My daughter asks me why the police stopped me and I couldn’t lie: “Because mommy screwed up.”

I told her I was kidding and then explained the whole thing. We had to take an Uber this morning and we will have to take one tomorrow as well — first to her school and then to the train station to drop me off. My car will hopefully be properly registered by Saturday — and, yes, in my name.

 

I like getting under your skin.