There's a car blocking my driveway...

Leaving an unkind message or note on the car would be unreasonable? I'm pretty sure if someone was blocking my driveway, I'd probably leave a note on the car that basically told the person to learn manners.

 

Actually, they can ticket it if its within 3 feet of the curb cut... trust me on this

 

Cotton balls in the gas tank works, or so I've heard.

 

I once had a car parked in my driveway when I woke up. An apartment building is right across the street and it was obviously somebody who was there. I left a note on the windshield saying my driveway wasn't a parking lot and the next time it happened, I'd have it towed. Turns out the car belonged to a chick who one of my buddies went home with that night! He told her to park it there because I wouldn't be going anywhere early in the morning.

 

At my last staff job, I really fucking hated my boss. Major munt (that's male c-word, folks).

The wacky agency Christmas party committee thought it'd be great to give everyone a disposable camera to take pictures of life around the office and put them in one big collage.

By this point, I had already quietly given my notice. But I got a camera anyway.

I stayed late one night, packing my office up. I went into the boss' office, grabbed a photo of his lardass wife, sat it next to his phone and took some photos of me putting the phone receiver down my pants.

I took a photo of me teabagging the photo of his wife.

I always went to the gym for lunch. I didn't shower after my workout, took a few photos of me rubbing my sweaty ass and nutsack on the door handles of his car.

I put my assprints on his windshield.

I tossed the spent camera in the collection bin with all the other cameras. I would've loved to have seen the looks on people's faces once they opened that pack of photos.

 

You're hired!

 

Burning your bridges is one thing. You burned your scrotum.

Nice work!

 

If you have any leftover KFC or french fries, rubbing the greasyness on the windshields is always good. Of course, they'll probably know you did it. I wouldn't be above taking the air out of one tire.

 

Two words: driveway hockey.

 

Well-played.

I'm still trying to figure out the dump on the hood of the car. Was it in a parking lot and you just climbed up onto the hood and took a dump? Seems like you'd be leaving yourself in a tough spot for a number of reasons.

 

Speaking from experience?

 

It was in a parking garage. He parked it where it was cheapest, an upper floor. He was in Japan for a week.