There are no words - parenting edition

This is at the heart and soul of the Facebookification of culture, for the person who writes a thesis on the point in time we lost our minds.

 

At my 7-year-old's birthday party last year, one of the moms came in and wanted to know what we were serving for food. I said, "Oh, does he have allergies?" and was told he did not.

I said, "Well, we have nachos for a snack, and cake and ice cream."

"Well, tell him not to eat anything until I pick him up."

The kid ate four servings of nachos and two servings of cake.

We made sure he served himself so we could preserve plausible deniability.

 

Wait - people send notes to tell you what not to feed their kid?

If there is an allergy I can understand, but that is kind of ballsy isn't it?

People do this?

 

If you feel shamed by what someone puts on Facebook, that's on you, not them... I'm as competitive as you get about certain things, but I could give a fuck if a neighbor has a better house, better car, takes more vacations or whatever...

 

Guilt ... it's a helluva drug.

 

I have always found that the younger the kids are in sports (especially baseball for some reason) the crazier the parents are.

Hey, I am coaching the team, and I will live win or lose. No need to threaten the 15-year-old umpire or protest to the league director.

Once they get older, parents get a better grip on reality.

 

And you're not even a religious Jew.

 

With someone like my wife, I don't think she is interested in "competing" for these things, necessarily. She's not materialistic.

It's that she sees what others are doing and thinks, "Are we doing this wrong?"

She said she was "embarrassed" that someone in our town or the moms at the school where she teaches will find out she has never been to Disney World, because it will expose her working-class background.

That's one difference between her and I. I'm proud to tell people that my dad stocked shelves at Wal-Mart and sold Christmas trees seasonally after he lost his factory job. This is who I am. Take it or leave it.

 

One had a gluten allergy. I actually ran to the store to buy something he could eat and then found out from another parent that the kid does not have an allergy but that's what the mom tells people.

One was not allowed to eat anything other than fruit. This was the kid who swiped a box of Cheez-Its from our pantry and ate the entire box in the bathroom.

One was not allowed to eat anything with corn syrup in it.

 

Hey, I photographed Seder the last 2 Pesachs! I'm good in Elijah's eyes.

 

The first birthday party we had for my oldest, I joked that we were serving "Mountain Dew and Pixie stix" as snacks. About half the parents thought that was hilarious and got that I was joking. The other half looked at me like I should be shot.

Sometimes you learn the hard way that some can't take a joke.

 

My wife and I luckily don't care what anyone, including my own mother, thinks of our parenting unless we specifically ask.

You know, opinions are like assholes...