There are no words - parenting edition

Yeah, I hate the competitive nature of parenting. It can bring out the worst in some really good people.

 

For my son's second birthday, we asked people not to bring gifts at all. We felt like he has enough stuff, he wouldn't get enough use out of anything, wouldn't remember it well enough to appreciate it and, overall, it would be a waste of people's money. That didn't work at all.

Everyone brought gifts and, while no one said anything directly, my wife and I kind of felt like we must have looked like assholes. This year we didn't just didn't say anything about gifts. If people asked us, we told them he's into dinosaurs.

Oh, and BTW, I wish people would stop wasting their money on expensive invitations that they stamp and put in the mail. If it doesn't show up on my Gmail or Facebook calendars, I'm probably going to forget it. Save yourself the money and make a Facebook event invitation rather than going to Shutterfly or some such site.

 

I hate it way more than you ... SCOREBOARD!

 

My email replay would be:

Formula? You are not still breastfeeding your baby? What kind of monsters are you?

Put me down for clothing with his name on it. He'll be better off if he's kidnapped.

-- Uncle Ace

 

Eh, he hates when they try to read to him anyway.

(These fucking parents are already letting a one-year-old make decisions. That's going to work out fine.)

 

LOL.

You need to write a book or sitcom with a just slightly exaggerated version of your wife as the main character.

 

I can't wait for the Whitman family Disney World trip thread...

Seriously, there are few things I hate more than doing anything in response to being shamed by family members or neighbors or anything like that. I could give a shit how big your house is, how new your bike is, how recently you went to Disney World, how much your shoes cost, etc.

I get so nauseated by comments like, "Billy said his basketball shoes cost $150." It makes you want to say, "Well, since Billy is 9 and doesn't play basketball, his parents are pretty fucking stupid."

 

For the record, she's a wonderful woman. The absolute best. She just gets convinced that "other women" are monitoring her every move, and worries about measuring up. Hell, maybe they are. I don't care about any of this stuff, because I have no interest in being BMOC of the suburbs. (This comes and goes. She can go for months without mentioning this stuff.)

Her mom, my mother-in-law, is extremely, extremely dowdy, and I know that kind of looms over some of her insecurities.

But more generally, it can be really hard to be a parent today, if you let it be. If you get into all the outside noise.

 

Oh, I've never gotten the impression that you thought otherwise.

But, I still think it's a funny premise.

There's always been some aspect of this. Some parent got ponies or a bouncy house for a birthday party, and every other parent felt under pressure.

But, now it's so much worse. There's the social media aspect of it. More women are working, so they have to have great careers, be great moms, all while hitting the top new restaurant, and looking fabulous in this season's fashion.

It's insane.

And, then you have to worry about eating organic. And/or gluten free. And, how much "screen time" should your kid get? And vaccines! Oh, the vaccines.

 

In a lot of cases, people stop caring about that stuff shortly after the kids start school. That was the case with my wife. I think once they get into regular school, you meet other like-minded people who you can make fun of the parents who send invites with a registry or notes listing all of the food their kid is allowed to eat.

 

I got a good taste of weirdo parents this weekend because my younger brother is new to the whole youth sports scene as his two are still under ten.

So Saturday I go to his son's U-8 soccer game, you know to watch my nephew play.

Mind you, this is a COMMUNITY REC-LEAGUE game, not even a travel game, school game or a cup game.

It is basically 7 and 8 year olds who are playing for exercise and fun and maybe a few of them will figure out they like soccer, get good at it and move up and start playing at a higher level. I'm quite sure the best and most competitive kids are playing at a higher level by that point as I didn't see many kids that struck me as "wow that kid is a good athlete" running around there.

At any rate, the parents all bring their folding chairs and it seems like that has become a status symbol as they all have to have the latest and newest in folding chairs and they line them up along the field. Like, right on the sidelines so if the ball goes out on that side of the field it rolls under the chairs.

The two coaches were actually relatively normal and had the thing in perspective but some of these parents were screaming and yelling like it was the World Cup Final and acting like little Joey was headed for Team USA. And of course there were two dads down behind the goal who were "coaching" all of the kids - are they even allowed behind the goal?

Even my brother, who actually played sports his whole life and played Division III baseball, was acting like an idiot and when my nephew scored a goal - one of what seemed like 12 or 13 that were scored in the game he lost his mind.

And then he talked about his son's talent and how he'd score so many goals if the coach just let him play on the wing the whole game (she does a nice job of switching everyone around so every player gets to play offense, defense and even goaltender).

I didn't have the heart to tell him that as much as I love my nephew, I'm quite sure scoring a goal in a U-8 rec league game does not equate to "I'm the next Landon Donovan" though I could be wrong.....

But then there was "snack and drink" time after the game and my sister in law bitching because the woman who brought the snack brought cupcakes instead of something healthy and my nephew got the grape juice box and he wanted the apple juice box but wasn't in front of the line and one guy bitching at the coach -- who looks like she is like a 20-year old college kid who plays or played soccer and is just volunteering her time -- that the game was too physical because his little precious jewel hurt his ankle.....

Good lord, if this is what goes on at rec league games, I would be mortified to find out what goes on at the more competitive leagues these days.

Like I said, I am glad I don't have to deal with this nonsense any more because it seems to get worse every year.

 

Right.

What she told me yesterday is that she's just itching to meet that "one friend" in town she can relate to.