the word "metric"

Just call it collateral damage.

 

And no one uses "salesperson" any more.

Now we have "business development consultants".

 

They can all implement vacuum-creating suction activities on my reproductive appendage until various physiological processes result in a cartographic representation of Hawaii on their grille.

 

Orenthal was a "cranium removal specialist."

 

Bottom line: I'm going to effort development of a metric that will tell us exactly how all of this will impact sales at the end of the day.

 

Jerry Maguire.

 

I had someone tell me "we have to square this circle" the other day. I had no fucking idea what he meant. You want to add sharp corners to a rounded surface? What?

I have a buddy in goverment who was recently called to a "bilateral." He said he would attend a meeting, he'd have a conversation, he could submit to a chat. But no fucking way was he going to a bilateral.

This "metric" shit, I have no idea what that's about. But first guy who says it to me gets punched.

God, this stuff makes me angry.

 

I love this stuff. I used to keep a file on it.

It makes the speaker feel all self-important and about ten times smarter than he/she actually is.

If you really want to immerse yourself in it, get a copy of "Marketing Magazine" (Canadian) and read some of the blather. Or just click on a press release from any major corporation.

At a former job, one of my clients was Canadian Tire. The woman I dealt with couldn't utter a sentence without coming out with one of those.

The other one I read here the other day.

Apparently, around my company, if you are having a problem, you don't call or e-mail the appropriate person.

You "reach out" to them.

I always want to add "and stab them right through the heart"

 

This thread doesn't have the impact we're after.
We need to establish our aggregated market and use that to set multiple targets across platforms.
Forget the 'shifting paradigm,' because we're in the midst of a sea change.
Now, who moved my cheese?

 

"Step up."

 

This company's on the fast track to the It List! Blast back kudos all around!

 

The term metrics is annoying, but the one I loathe most is publics.

At an old job, we'd be discussing new initatives and our COO would say, "Well, what are our publics for this?" or "How do we tailor this for various publics?"

I wanted to say, there is but one public, asswipe. But there are several audiences or target groups. However, I really liked being employed back then, so I held off.

Normally, people that use these words or phrases are the same people who are marketing illiterate but think they're geniuses.