The Ultimate SJ.com Style Guide

(In addition to this thread, check out BYH's original Style Guide here... http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/threads/29220/)

I feel as though I should contribute something quality here before I leave Newbiedom. What follows is a compilation of many pages of the SportsJournalists.com Style Guide into a neat and tidy alphabetized collection. Feel free to send/give me updates, and I’ll update the post. Enjoy and use often!

THE OFFICIAL SportsJournalists.com STYLE GUIDE

or ;D: Cowardly way of saying something rude but pretending it was a joke. Sometimes just emoticons.
____SportsJournalists.com or sj.ca: A term for a group of posters who are from a certain region or country. nySportsJournalists.com (or nynjSportsJournalists.com) was the first usage of the term. Other past usages: clevSportsJournalists.com, bostonSportsJournalists.com, calSportsJournalists.com.
_____ just ______ and doesn't know why: Whenever a subject comes up that would excite or anger a poster. For example: BYH just sprouted wood and doesn't know why....if Billy Squier (pronounced sqwier) would come up. Or....Slappy just punched a wall and doesn't know why....if Mitch Albom would come up.
70-minus-1: Something spup tried to talk/talked Good Doc into doing.
500...5,000...25,000: 500 posts to become a junior member, 5,000 posts to become a full member. 25,000 to become a senior member; Dooley, BYH and Fenian are the only members to have reached this distinction.
Aliases: Many regulars have them in addition to their "normal" names, Boom is sort of renowned for them. Not sure if there's a term for it, but several board trolls have evolved into some form of respectability.
All SportsJournalists.com first team: The top five vote-getters in a category that has no iron-clad criteria (usually people vote for funnest, or most astute):
2003: Mizzougrad96 (Poster of the year), imjustagirl, BitterYoungHack, 21, Clubber_Slang.
2004: imjustagirl (POY), 21, BitterYoungHack, Khartoum, shotglass.
2005: bubbler (POY), imjustagirl, Hoops_McCann, dooley_womack1, BitterYoungHack
2006: Jones (POY), IJAG, Bubbler, BYH, Whitlock.
2007: First Team: Double Down (POY), Bubbler, Jones, Ace, BYH, Slappy/Zeke (tie); Rookies: Write-brained (ROY), Diabeetus, Mayfly, KG, Friend of a Friend; Canuckistan: Flash; Post: Double Down’s creed on young writers (http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/threads/51170/)
Alternate "Armies": Terms coined in derision of the self-proclaimed and self-populated (other than by Rokski, Rokski2, and perhaps Cranberry) JDV Army. The first was Murphy's Army; others have been the jgmacg Navy and the Inky's Black Ops.
And we're baaaaaaaaaaack!: A return to topic/from crash
Anon 3:17: Poster names given under previous incarnations of the board, when logins were not necessary. Short for "anonymous". Instead of a name, posters would address each other by Anon and time. For example, poster Anon 5:23 would address another poster by writing, "Anon 4:49, I think you are wrong."
Antarctica thread: A thread started by Football_Bat in the summer of 2005 originally intended to make SportsJournalists.com members forget about the hot summer. It turned into brief, but glorious magic. "Polar bear repellant" Good times.
Anti-Shoutouts: She who shall not be named had anti-shoutouts. Included were:
--Rainy Days
--When your car breaks down
--When your bitch roommate smears lipstick all over the walls
--When athletes won't stop asking for your digits
--Peanut butter ice cream
etc. etc.
Apocryphal stories: Tall tales that make us laugh, though they are almost certainly not true. Buck is fond of them.
April's Fools: The day that dozens of people who stick with one username the rest of the year change their name to something wacky. Genesis of that was March 2004, when 21 wondered what it would be like for everybody to post under another name. I dared her to start, she did, and a bunch of people followed suit. It was suggested it be made an April Fool's tradition, and thus it has been.
Ask Drunk ______ thread: When someone comes on after drinking and starts a thread seeking questions, so they can show how goofy and buzzed they are. Moddy kills thems the second he sees them. The thread that is, not the poster.
Ass Munching: An activity previously unknown to (The Big Ragu), which was described by one of SportsJournalists.com's more perverted posters.
Ass-scented candles: created (by Buck?) to wipe out the stink of cucumber-melon candles, used mainly in hotel rooms or wherever Moddy's birks leave an aroma all their own.
Ass-to-Mouth: This should be self-explanatory, fuckers.
Assclowns: A staple insult. It's fairly self-explanatory.
Asshat: Much like assclown.
Asshats & Dicksnorts: The SportsJournalists.com Story: The inevitable tome that will one day recount the board's history.
Attention whore: Someone who overdramatizes the most mundane of life's events, turning the simplest daily problem into a hugely charged emotional event.
Baked chicken: SportsJournalists.com's favorite dish.
Beej: Nickname bestowed upon (BYH) by Dooley. Also known as Dools or The Great Post-Padder.
BFF: Best friends forever, as in my bff Rose.
Big Baby Jesus: aka BBJ or Sidney Crosby. Horny's son, sent to smite evildoers and return hockey to its rightful place in the pantheon of sports.
Big Bowl of Dicks: As in, go eat a big bowl of dicks. I believe it was Big Dog that said it first.
Big Pern: Posted a picture of a parrot on someone's dick. It wasn't around long, but enough prominent posters saw to ensure it will last forever.
BLOGS!!!!: Sarcastic term used whenever someone states that alternative online media, particularly blogging, is the future of the industry
Blue Bird of Cocksuckery, The: The Kansas Jayhawk, coined by Writing Irish.
Blue type: Denotes the sarcasm font. Arose from Yawn's inability to function.
Boardcest: See spup and The Good Doctor. I'm creating this in response to those last two posts
Board Pariahs: People in all walks of life who are reviled by a majority of the active sj membership. Defend these folks at your peril. Among them:
--Barry Bonds
--Ray Lewis
--Pete Rose
--Roger Clemens
--Alex Rodriguez
--Peyton Manning
--President Bush
--The head of JRC
--Chris Berman
--Stuart Scott
--Hawk Harrelson
--Mitch Albom
--Jay Mariotti
--Bill Simmons
--"Lean" Dean Singleton
Boom goes the dynamite: Reference to a painful on-air sports report by a student from Ball State University. It quickly became a catch phrase in broadcasts around the country.
Bootsed, bootsing: To take and/or put it in the ass. A reference to the now-classic boots-and-his-backdoor friend thread. First used as a verb (I think) after mustardbased was hit with $99.75 in "convenience charges" by Ticketmaster for Stanley Cup Finals tickets. Example: I bootsed that chick. Ticketmaster bootsed me. There was some bootsing going on.
Botty Call: a booty call for those who can't spell
Box of Chopped Assholes: Phrase coined by Big Dog to describe ?/when ?
Brad Renfro: The tragic death of this renowned actor shook the very foundations of this board. Never forget this coke addict who immortalized "The Client"
Brook Jacoby: Played in the major leagues from 1981 trough 1992, and in Japan in 1993. He batted and threw right handed. Biding time until he and IJAG can be together *when the restraining order is lifted.
Brown Bunny (or Going Brown Bunny): An exceedingly flattering or glorifying piece of journalism about a person or subject. Or, for the Algonquinian set, what halfmiler / fotf would call a "hagiography." Named for the 2003 movie co-starring Chloë Sevigny, who performed an graphic on-screen act of admiration upon Vincent Gallo.
Buck Loves Pastrami: He finds it to be the most sensual of the salted, cured meats, and we oblige him.
Bump: Adding a cheap, often meaningless post (the single word "bump" is commonly used) to get a dying thread back on the front page.
Butterflied penis: Condition affecting Cadet's ex. It is quite possibly the worst injury ever suffered by a man to his reproductive organs.
BYH, Disappearance of: In 2006, our favourite Eight Second Man left the board prompting many to add BY to their screen names in hopes of luring him back (or maybe in hopes of keeping him away). Like the Prodigal Son (or Roger Clemens), he returned.
BYH Classic: I'll let the man himself explain his fascination with lame-ass hair metal videos and Night Ranger.
Catjacks: Webby's least favorite type of threadjack. Almost always perpetrated by Stan_Solo. Unfortunately, some members find them annoying.
...Charlie Brown: Pays homage to "It's a Crappy Sequel, Charlie Brown!" the longest running thread in SportsJournalists.com history in which board members would say anything that came to mind and follow it with...Charlie Brown. For instance: My Editor Is A Dicksnort, Charlie Brown.
Chazp, Chazp'd: As in who Chazp'd this year-old thread. Chazp is infamous for digging up year-old threads just so he can add an "LOL"
Cheese cracker: Mentioned, but not explained. A synonym for I'd hit it, born out of the board's umpteenth thread ripping Roger Clemens. In this one, a debate broke out about the hotness of Roger's wife, Debbie Clemens, and a poster came up with the succint observation: "I would eat Debbie Clemens like a cheese cracker." Cheese cracker was coined by Chris_L, who also was the first of a handful of posters who would rack up a bunch of posts, nuke himself and start all over. Chris took about a year off before returning as Lou Merloni, but if you added up all his posts since 2002, I bet he'd still be in the top 10. He is also as gay as the day is long. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Chinatown: I remember his first posts, on a thread started by a young lady named Annie...she was asking about how women can get started in the business.
That first post was approximately, what, 3000 words? Each sentence had to be diagrammed to extract the actual meaning. It was as if Yoda had joined the board. 'It is to believe, if one believes, and that is not to say all should believe, and yet many do, that in the course of intellectual pursuit, should you endeavor to pursue such intellect, you may find issues not unlike those you anticipate, which surely you do anticipate else you would not have commenced on the line of thought that inspired this thread.'
He didn't like TV people, he didn't like ESPN, he didn't like sellouts, he didn't like spoiled brats ('You, 21, are a spoiled brat!).
He made my eyelashes dive into my eyelids to avoid being singed. Five minutes on a thread with him, I would have chapped lips and an ear infection. I bit my nails for the first time in my life. I chain-smoked unfiltered Camels (okay, I lit them and let them burn down). I ate Oreos. I loved him. I hated him. My brother, my son, my brother, my....where was I. Oh, sorry.
Then he reached 1000 posts, and Chinatown vanished. Poof. In his place....Alma, the Swedish nurse.
Per Peanut Butter: a big wad of peanut butter can stave off a hangover....allegedly, the grease and fat does something that affects something and, um, yeah. No hangover.
Of course, he was also trying to make me have a seizure and swallow my tongue most of the time, so that may be completely bogus.
(Not sure too many people would recall that one...we must have discussed it recently, yes?)
CIAFL: Certain Idiots Allowed Fantasy League. Created prior to the 2007 Fantasy Football season in response to the NIAFL.
cindybj: Had a three bedroom apartment near the Beijing Olympics she tried renting to sports journalists. There were several incarnations of the thread, but the one that got nuked was pure gold.
Cindy Lou Who: A poster, unquestionably fake, who implied she was being sexually harassed by her female boss, but that she kind of liked it. Went on to several more lurid posts.
Clitori-nough already!: The feeling one gets when one sees three separate threads about a certain notoriously-hard-to-find female organ simultaneously located on the first page at any given point of the day.
Clitorii: The official SportsJournalists.com plural of clitoris. Issue came up on the thread about a woman with two vaginas. Clitorii beat out clits, clitorises and clitorides.
Cockblock: To stop another man from hooking up, in violation of all known man laws. See Mighty_Wingman.
Cockdian:
Cockdiwaffle: The word used when one can't decide if a person is a Cockdian or Twatwaffle.
Coda kitties: Animated gifs of twins cats that shotglass has with his signature, along with text that often sums up a key board theme. Dubbed the coda kitties by me, usually just called codas.
Comet bomb: A container of Comet and a firecracker. Used to exact revenge on evildoers because Comet is almost impossible to clean up, esp. once water is added.
Covering the walls in lipstick: Used whenever an SportsJournalists.commer goes off the deep end. Pays homage, so to speak, to She Who Cannot Be Named, who wrecked havoc on SportsJournalists.com with dramas both real and imaginary. OK, mostly imaginary.
d_b: posting old news as if it just occured, a la the universally derided douchebag deep_backgrouind
Dicksnorts: Term coined by Night Shifter djc3317 to describe SportsJournalists.com's sedate daysiders.
Doggie peripherinia: Sportsbruh's attempt to spell paraphernalia, which makes nearly as much sense as his defense of Mike Vick.
Dooley noted: SportsJournalists.com-specific spelling of the common phrase.
Doucebag: Term used by Mustang when mistakenly arguing that google and Urban Dictionary suggested it was the correct spelling of douchebag. Several Summer's Eve pictures followed.
Douchebox: Term coined by wicked on the Toronto trip.
Douchenozzle: A fluid state of being.
Dr Pepper Lip Smackers: the nearly unanimous decision among female SportsJournalists.com posters as the best lip gloss ever. This was brought to light during the Great Lip Gloss Threadjack
DTGDTN: Delete This Goddamn Thread Now!! Used whenever a thread goes beyond the acceptable bounds of stupidity or poor taste.
Dwarf, The: A reference to Detroit Free Press commonest/fiction author/TV host/Radio maven/songwriter and only man capable of being in two places at once. The moniker is in reference to his overall size, not of his ears or self-worth or opinion.
Eddie Munster: A reference to Chicago Sun Times' hatemonger Jay Mariotti. Also see: clown comma ass.
Eight seconds: How long I last in bed. -BYH
End of thread: When someone makes a great post, like sxy's. someone will simply post "End of thread," indicating that the thread can't get any better. The post has had a zero percent success rate so far.
Fail (n.): Non-physical substance that serves as main ingredient of things that are awful. Can be used in place of any negative noun (ex.: failure). Use of this term labels you an internet geek, thus meaning you are made of fail. Example: Nancy Grace's special on Paris Hilton is an orgasm of fail.
Fallout shelter: On any number of occasions when the board goes dark for an extended period of time, microsoft outlook and AIM becomes the vehicle for which to spread the site to where everyone is going, hence, the fallout shelter.
Fanboy looser: Used to describe hardened journalists who still root for teams away from the office. Also see: Moddy.
Fetch me a beer, newbie!: A common reply when a relative newcomer posts something stupid or that has been discussed. It should be noted that this is not necessarily applied to a newbie who posts something stupid or d_b's a topic. Most of the time, it's applied just because we want to.
Finished on her grille: Needs no explanation
Flash: A current poster who flashed her rack on one of her first posts.
Flipper the Dolphin: Buck's girlfriend/significant other or as he puts it, concubine.
Fnord: A random phrase used, sometimes as an insult, by SportsJournalists.com. It's often a standalone post, in the form of "FNORD!" For the real definition, refer to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fnord
Foof: One who acts like a buffoon, giggles too much, talks too loud and participates only in pack interviews. It's been used in baseball press boxes for more than 30 years.. the first guy I heard use it was Bill Madden. And it seemed mostly to be aimed at the clueless radio guys ("radio foofs") who would invade NY baseball clubhouses in August and September when there were pennant races and ask some of the dumbest questions you ever could imagine... sort of combination fool and goof (get it?)
Fozzie Bear: Pictures of this lovable muppet pop up whenever The Big Lead is discussed. The most common is one of Fozzie on a pay phone, receiving a hot tip from a credible source.
Fraud: Declaration made about overhyped, unsuccessful sporting figures. For example, "Bode Miller is a Fraud." Alternate type: FRAUD.
Fredo: (Occasionally) The incumbent president of the United States.
Freeman's rant: While 21 is correct in proclaiming the Wallace Matthews affair as a watershed moment for the board (whichever incarnation that was), it was actually Mike Freeman who first jumpstarted the old, old Sportspages forum with a long post about his experiences dealing with the teasing and harrassment from his colleagues on the New York Jets beat. Plenty of reaction, for and against, was followed up, and the board, up to that point a vast wasteland, became a happenin' place.
Fruit Rollups: SportsJournalists.com's stockpiled food of choice in case of terrorist attack, martial law, nuclear war or natural disaster such as a hurricane, tornado or a d_b posting.
Fuck JRC: Sole property of -BYH and WHA
Fuck Trophy: The net result of breeders. Also called a child.
Fuck you you fucking dickhead: Spnited's response to most who call him an old dickhead.
Fucking dickhead: SportsJournalists.com's universal term of endearment.
Fucking stud: Term coined by Mizzou honoring talented young up-and-comers from journalism factories who are landing huge beats shortly after graduation. See also Snow, Chris.
Fun with the Quote Function: Used to describe the practice of changing another poster's words when quoting them to make them appear even more silly than they already are. The SportsJournalists.com equivalent of insider sniping, like other standup comedians mocking Carrot Top for being a lousy prop comic.
FWIW: Short for "For what it's worth"
GOING TO GET A FUCKING HAIRCUT!!: an SJ activity to combat extreme anger, as coined by Bubbler.
Good enough to work for the Plain Dealer: reference to a sports writer at a small paper in Ohio who kept applying to work at the Cleveland Plain Dealer and never got an interview. He concluded that he was being discriminated against and he filed a lawsuit.
Great Crash of '03: We'd been discovered by people from the ACC fan boards, who'd been around stirring up shit, so the ACC Fan Boards were also suspected. The board crashed, but it wasn't like a regular crash. It came back seconds later... And all the threads were gone. Also, a few people had their usernames wiped out. Among them: Armchair_QB and 21. Nobody could ever draw a connection. They were having a big discussion over there about our crash and making fun of us; it became dueling online communities.
(Please stay on topic, and [optional]) Have a Happy _____ Day: Combination of two phrases often used by boots to antagonize people. The first part is not used so much anymore; the second part is commonly used. See also: Could you please TAKE IT TO PMs!
He Who Must Not Be Named: For a time, a poster named sauronseye had that designation. He cranked on reporters for being lazy and for feasting on mac and cheese at the buffet.
Heathers: Favorite movie of some SportsJournalists.com regulars that was replaced by Snakes on a Plane. Of course, Heathers2. . . Attack of the Airhead will be out shortly as well).
Hi Sandy!: Along with DyePack, one of the members permanently banned from the board, Sandy was one of the original characters on the old old board (see Board, Old Old) and the old board (see Board, Old). Positive that one of the other posters--not named here out of sheer sympathy and respect--was stalking his posts, flaming him under different screen names each time Sandy posted, he began tracking every moment this poor guy was on the board, comparing language patterns, post times, etc. Unfortunately, the innocent victim posted under his own name, making it easy for Sandy to make very personal attacks, on and off the board. His paranoia was so nutty that other posters taunted him by posting 'Hi Sandy!' every time he went off on his alleged stalker(s). Sandy reappeared on this board without much commotion, until he decided that Webby was actually responsible for more than 20 of the boards more vocal characters, including but not limited to 21, Double Down, Clubber Slang, and many others. After threatening Our Webby in various forms, he was banned, thank God. He later wrote the nasty and wildly inaccurate SJ Wikipedia entry that appeared here.
Bye, Sandy.
Hoff, The: Germany's favorite pop star and the star of SportsJournalists.com's favorite video ever. Honorable mention goes to Billy Squier.
Horny: Celestial unicorn who serves as the God(dess) of the official SportsJournalists.com religion
Husbandry, Horse: Prominent national male writer. Married. Boom started a thread with a painting of a horse. Somehow implied that the horse resembled wife of writer. Then the shit started flying.
I just wanna race, daddy!: SJ's favorite line from ESPN's "3."
I'd Hit It: Used whenever someone wants to indicate a desire to fornicate with a member of the opposite sex, usually a celebrity.
I'm a llama: A sentence that used to appear as default type in the sidesaddle of every new member of sj. It replaced "I love sportsjournalists.com."
Ignore button: Established by Webby on May 19, 2007, it allows you to hide someone's post from view. Also known as the easy button, it is not to be posted about.
IIRC: Short for "If I recall correctly"
IMO, IMHO: Short for "In my opinion" and "In my humble opinion"
J.J.'s Place: The board crashed for weeks and, desperate, we took over another site that 21 found. The name of the site was J.J.'s Place, and you'll sometimes see a passing reference to it. It was an offshoot of a poetry site. J.J. himself was really surprised when it had sat virtually unhit for 2 years, then suddenly, the site had about 200 new users. With no moderators, the site was-- you guessed it-- shut down, and eventually J.J. came over here to post a greeting once our site was back up. He cordially invited us to visit the actual poetry section of his site anytime.
JDV: Thread thriller and lady killer. More relevant information at: baldingdouche.com
Jeers: The easy winner of a discussion about how to title the SportsJournalists.com neighborhood bar ambiance that Moddy has fostered. Johnny_dangerously came up with it, and the slogan "where nobody knows your name." It was decided that the restaurant downstairs would be Assclowns.
Jesus Wept: The final abandonment of an argument. Fenian's version of Nolo Contendre. – Boom. Actually, it's my version of "O, Christ will they ever get Boom's dosage right?" -Fenian
Just spit coke everywhere: A response used when somebody posts something outrageously funny. The phrase means that it was so funny, that the reader actually spit coke everywhere. See also, Coke Everywhere, Coke All Over Keyboard, etc...
Kate McDowell: Student sex columnist at an Ivy League school. Someone here linked to a column she wrote that was a how-to on anal sex. The word "flecked" never again had the same meaning to board members. Someone reported on here that she worked for Peter King.
Katrina & The Waves: A thread started initially with a tounge-in-cheek attitude about a hurricane broiling in the Gulf of Mexico, which turned deadly serious when the hurricane made landfall. A twisting, turning thread, it had dispatches from the scene and emotional first-person accounts -- particularly great stuff from Johnny Dangerously and others -- rancor, political firefights, you name it. Great thread. Katrina as a whole probably brought the board down more than anyone thing, at least in (Bubbler’s) time.
Krystal Grow: SJ's favorite intern candidate. Intern at a small-town newspaper who gained journalistic acclaim when she didn't get a job at a major magazine despite her 5 (gasp! 5!) clips, and had a running (and hilarious) argument with the editor who denied her the job. She later tried to crash the funeral for HST.
Lazier than Stuart Scott's Eye: Supposedly the phrase that got Kenny Mayne put on shit detail at the Leader.
Let's Be Careful Out There: A Bootsism, from a thread in which Boots concocted a story about sexually harassing a co-worker. HR admonished him but, within seconds, apologized.
Link Please!!: A demand issued by one of the moderators whenever an offensive picture is posted.
Liza Minnelli: When you're sitting in an airport, and Liza Minnelli rolls by in the honking trolley, surrounded by a man in a pink feather boa and several other attendants to carry her Cheetos and handi-wipes, what else can you do but report it to SJ? Wish we still had that one.
Loopy: A reference to New York comminist Mike Lupica. While it might appear to be an offshoot of his name, it is actually how he acts most of the time.
Looser: Became SportsJournalists.com's spelling of "loser," as per bandwagon_boy's spelling when he came on to take credit for a major board crash.
Lugnuts is a Girl!: All she wanted was to post without being judged on her gender...so she picked a name no one would suspect. Worked great...until the Great Valentines Day Outing. My great friend Lugnuts posted the definition of the perfect massage: one that had no strings attached, no expectation of reciprocation off sexual payback.
Hah. 'You are a chick!' insisted 21.
'How do you know?" demanded Lugnuts.
'Because only a chick would want a massage with no strings attached, guys only want the payback, and by the way, any massage that doesn't lead to sex is a lousy massage anyway!'
'Damn,' she wrote, 'i thought I could get away with it.'
Outed. Best anonymous buds for life, btw.

>> Continued on next post <<

 

Re: My n00b Gift

Malodorous Swill: Once used to describe the press box food at a Notre Dame football game. See also Fetid Tubes of Flesh.
Map of Hawaii: A picture of it would be NSFW, but ask someone for it in a PM. But since we're supposed to solve mysteries, not further them, "map of Hawaii" refers to the splatter pattern of male fulfillment. Hey, sometimes knowledge ain't pretty.
Media Guide: v.To exaggerate a numerical report or some other description that can be quantified, much in the way athletic media guides will inflate height/weight statistics to make a player appear more imposing. Example: He media guided his height on Match.com - he was only 5'5 in real life!
Mid-major: Jonaco's description of a newspaper that is a rung or two below the biggest shops in the industry, yet has more on the ball then your average 50k pennyshopper. Usually has at least one major professional beat, or covers the hell out of multiple BCS conference teams.
Midget porn: Something dearly departed poster Tron found in his parents' bedroom. See also Bulldog, get paid to jack off a. Tron had two of the all-timers:
a) jacking off his stepmom's bulldog (supposedly an offer with not enough money involved)
b) being set up with a hot chick, then, starting a thread where, basically, he was afraid to bang her. For newbies, this thread was the "boots" thread of 2004 or early 2005. Afterward, whenever it was suggested that someone didn't want to have sex, tron's name came up.
Moddies, The: During 2003 and the first half of 2004, a big running joke involved waiting for moderator_1 to post his board awards. Whether there were really supposed to be such awards at some point is unclear.
Mooninites: The purple or neon green computer-chip looking things, as made famous by Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Light-up versions of the little fellas were placed sporadically across Boston as an underground ATHF movie advertising. Once the fuzz got wise, they moved the terrorism scale to some sort of neon red, and called everybody short of Johnny Quest to remove the thing. Authorities in Boston eventually pressed charges on the guy that hung them.
Mouthful O' Hoops: C'mon, figure it out!
Murphy the Dog: CentralIllinoisan's pet, Hollywood superstar and SportsJournalists.com unofficial mascot
Never actually happened: What should be a mandatory response when someone claims they spit Coke everywhere, since no one can actually recall the last time they or anyone they know ever did it.
NIAFL: No Idiots Allowed Fantasy League. It also means No Invitations Are Forthcoming, Loosers!!! Sorry, but it's the most exclusive fantasy league on SportsJournalists.com...our own Skull and Bones, if you will.
Night crew/day crew: Pretty self-explanatory, though the distinction is usually that the night crew tends to be far wackier than the day crew, though the day crew gets first crack at breaking news, especially industry-related things.
The night crew tends to be responsible for inane threads that drag on due to the prevalence of second-shift AM-paper people, poster insomnia, depression, drunkeness or insanity. The Antarctica thread jumps to mind as an example, and there's many others. There's many night crew regulars that come and go. Dools is like the British Empire, though, the sun never sets on him.
And in my first-ever old fogey SJ rant, which I've criticized others for doing, but will break my own rule and do myself, I'd say the night crew recently fell off lately into a myspace-like funk. But others might not concur.
Not That There's Anything Wrong With That (NTTAWWT): Usually indicates that the posters definitely thinks there is something wrong with whatever "that" may be. Often seen in it's shorthand form "NTTAWWT."
NSFW: Not Safe For Work. Usually refers to a WWW image (typically adult in nature) that you wouldn't want anybody seeing over your shoulder on your computer screen at work. Sadly, at some shops SportsJournalists.com is itself NSFW.
Official statement of condolence: What the board tries to come up with to summarize a person upon his death. Usually serious, sometimes sarcastic. Founded by Boom_70.
Old Board: After Rich Johnson sent his Sportspages Forum to internet heaven/hell, depending on who you were, the Great Webby resurrected it as SportsJournalists.com.....still without moderation or registration. Yeehah! So that didn't work either. The board went dark again for several months, over the summer of 2002. But again, this was before PMs and registration, so no one knew anyone....impossible to stay in touch or reconnect elsewhere. Then...genesis. In the beginning, there was an email, and a new site, with Private Messaging, and actual screen names, and a Moddy....and it was good.
Old dickhead: SportsJournalists.com's universal term of endearment for Spnited.
Old, Old Board: The Sportspages Forum, small and dimly-lit. There was no registration, anyone could post under any name, and there was little to no moderating. The old board was shut down for less than, or perhaps more than, this.
Outing: The act of revealing a poster's true identity on the board. When done by the poster him/herself, it's a perfectly fine act. When done by another posting, it's an act of treason to the board. See also, Outings, group (D.C., Toronto) For the record, it is not cool to try and figure out who a person is by reading all of their posts and trying to pin them to a geographic area. I tried to do this in my early days and was politely told be several that board had a, "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding actual identities.
Pancake Bunny: Used when thread and/or post makes little sense. Often done for shits and giggles when said poster has "an idea of what you're talking about." Random pets (example: Murphy the Dog) may take the place of Pancake Bunny if proficient at Adobe Photoshop.
"Pardon me (or pardon my ignorance), but who is ___?": from the old versions of this board...whenever someone would be mentioned as part of a thread, you'd often see this posted.
Pashmina: a fine woolen cloth with a soft plush texture similar to cashmere
Pathetitard: A putdown that is derived from "pathetic retard." Coined by Carrie_Bradshaw
Penn Station: Scene of mythical fight between two SportsJournalists.com posters in 2002.
Peter King, offspring and digestive system of: Devoted to SI writer Peter King who thinks his personal life is interesting/entertaining writing.
pho-real: A now-defunct poster who may or may not one day be arrested for stalking LeBron James. Showed up one day and started creating thread after thread dedicated to fellating the Cavs superstar. Also possessed perhaps the worst grammar and spelling in SportsJournalists.com history. Proclaimed to be a high school senior and soon-to-be pre-med student at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor, but believed by most to be the alter-ego of a long-time SportsJournalists.com member. (See also: dicksnort, douchenozzle) In the interest of full disclosure, (IJAG) thinks pho-real's grammar was WAY better than Bandwagon Boy's.
Pickle juice: board member who asked for the keys to the kingdom by inquiring about how one would jump from selling steak knives to cover the Miami Dolphins. Was roundly excoriated in a thread that was too long for its own good and taken way too seriously by no small number of posters.
Pictures, this thread is useless without: Used when a thread refers to a woman, hot or not, but does so without posting masturbatory material for the SportsJournalists.com members who aren't getting laid. (Note: Often said in jest.)
Post Pad: To post messages at an astounding rate, often for no reason other than to "pad" statistics. In no way linked to Ricky "wrong basket" Davis. Example: dooley_womack1
Post Pad?: The inevitable response to the mandatory response by a post-padder when he/she is questioned about why they are post-padding. It is another way to post-pad.
Pussycat: The replacement for the only banned word on SJ. (c-word for a part of the female genitalia)
Rachel Lenzi: Move on, nothing to see. Really. One of the low points of this and all the boards.
Reason No. (insert number here): A thread with this title usually is one in a long line of threads about said topic. Number usually is large and seemingly random. Example: Reason No. 32,981 that Spnited is old.
Release the hounds!: A signal to the board's less tactful crowd -- wait, isn't that everyone? -- that someone has posted something controversial and/or stupid and it's time to take your best shot.
Retroactive abortion: Coined by BYH. Refers to what should happen to a certain poster.
RIP (fill in the blank): Sarcastically coined by Poindexter in response to a spate of sympathetic threads honoring dead celebrities. For instance, if Larry Flynt dies, Poindexter will say "RIP Smut God."
RIP your name here: A thread title to commemorate those who have gone before us. Sometimes used in respect (see "Woods, Earl"), sometimes used in contempt (see "Lay, Ken.") Mostly used for deaths, but also can be used for jumping the shark moves (see "Chung's career, Connie") or sinking into mediocrity (see "Braves".) ... Note: Please don't confuse us with an "RIP Steve Martin" thread title if you're not talking about the wild and crazy guy. Because that won't end well ...
Rob Deer: the only player comparable to Bo Jackson in MLB history.
Rob Parker: The worst writer in America. So bad, indeed, that his nickname is his name.
Roll call: How many of us are here from the Anon x:xx era? And as an aside, I'm 99.44% certain that this site had already broken away from sportspages.com before Wally Matthews, 21's recollection notwithstanding.
Ron Mexico name: A specific alias a poster supposedly uses when they are trolling for, er, companionship on the down low. Inspired by a court filing in which a Georgia woman claimed to have contracted VD from Michael Vick, who allegedly used the pen name "Ron Mexico" when registering them at hotels that didn't quite crack the Michelin Guide, and an offshoot Web site that generated random names in a similar vein.
Running, all-purpose thread: Catch-all thread devoted (originally) to a single topic, usually a sport outside of the Big 3 American pro sports (hockey, auto racing, soccer, etc.) Offshoots also spring up to cover special events such as a championship game or entertainment awards show. These types of threads are designed to reduce the clutter of multiple threads on the same topic and let people who dislike the topic under discussion avoid it without poisoning discourse. They seldom achieve either purpose.
Rush: A band that sucks or a band that is awesome. A band four SportsJournalists.com'mers unwantingly listened to on the 1,500-mile road trip to and from Toronto SportsJournalists.com Outing 2006. Thanks Sam_Mills 51. For clarification, it was in the CD player of the rental for less than two hours. We listened to tolerated "Moving Pictures," then I played "YYZ" again because we were getting close to Pearson International Airport (airport code YYZ).
Schrodinger's cat: famous illustration of the principle of superposition in quantum theory, proposed by Erwin Schrodinger in 1935. Schrodinger's cat serves to demonstrate the apparent conflict between what quantum theory tells us is true about the nature and behavior of matter on the microscopic level and what we observe to be true about the nature and behavior of matter on the macroscopic level.
A living cat is placed into a steel chamber, along with a device containing a vial of hydrocyanic acid. There is, in the chamber, a very small amount of a radioactive substance. If even a single atom of the substance decays during the test period, a relay mechanism will trip a hammer, which will, in turn, break the vial and kill the cat. The observer cannot know whether or not an atom of the substance has decayed, and consequently, cannot know whether the vial has been broken, the hydrocyanic acid released, and the cat killed. Since we cannot know, the cat is both dead and alive according to quantum law, in a superposition of states. It is only when we break open the box and learn the condition of the cat that the superposition is lost, and the cat becomes one or the other (dead or alive). This situation is sometimes called quantum indeterminacy or the observer's paradox: the observation or measurement itself affects an outcome, so that it can never be known what the outcome would have been if it were not observed.
Scoreboard: Said primarily as proof that you pull hot chicks 19-35. Provaby (sic) hot, demonstrably hot. See previous post for further information. See also dooleywomack1's signature.
Seinfeld: The best television comedy of all time, as determined by SportsJournalists.com voting.
Shameless bump: The same as a bump, but always used after a bump hasn't done the trick.
Shawn Green's goodies: a reference to a column in a suburban LA paper by a non-sports writer who got credentials to a Dodgers game and went into the locker room. Then wrote about what she saw. Everything she saw.
She Who Cannot Be Named: Describes She Who Cannot Be Named.
Shocker, The: The official SportsJournalists.com finger gesture. Two in the pink and one in the stink. Also known as two in the goo, one in the poo.
Simon's mom: Favorite sexual partner of erstwhile poster Clubber_Slang.
SportsJournalists.com Awards: Awards voted on by the membership at the end of each year in various categories. People either get into it or (a few) mock it. Freelance_Hack is in charge each year.
Snakes on a Plane: Action-horror-comedy movie released in August 2006 starring Samuel L. Jackson, which had become an Internet and SportsJournalists.com phenomenon well in advance of its release. A scant mention of the words "snakes" or "motherfucking" is guaranteed to liven up a dying thread with follow-up posts containing numerous fake movie posters. Memorable quote: "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
Softer than Spnited's _____________": Mocking Spnited for saying Joe Mauer is the softest .380-odd hitter in baseball history.
Sonner, Ryan: Much like Vin Diesel and Dwyane Wade in that anything they do is the best and inconquerable. Except, Mr. Sonner is real and his element, humble. Mr. Womack gets credit for the first such post on this.
Splooge: See: Affleck, Ben; Cartman, Eric and right hand.
Sportschick's Poolboy: Formerly Clever username. Fired for refusing to watch Lord of the Rings. Postion now filled by Diabeetus, who is a young gentleman and shares a similar taste of music and men with SC. A requirement is bringing frou-frou drinks to SC by the side of the pool.
Sports Illustrated is jealous of us: Not heavily used unless S.I. is brought up here. I think I said that after we were mentioned by S.I. in a story a few months back.
Squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides, The: The punch line to the funniest geometry joke.
State of the board thread: Thread somebody starts when they think the board is sucking or is in crisis, but usually not accompanied by solutions. Usually just gives Buck indigestion and makes for a funny thread that gets jacked 10 ways from Pluto.
Starman Justice: Pays homage to Starman, who wants recidivist drug dealers, drug users, child molestors, murderers and Pete Rose dealt with in the most brutal and finalistic way possible.
Steak and BJ Day: SportsJournalists.com's favorite holiday.
STFU: Shut The Fuck Up. Very rarely used on its own. For instance, if Moddy and I (BYH) are fighting (again), it's not enough just to say STFU!!! It's more like "Chug A Bottle Of STFU, asshole."
Stickying a thread: A moderator making sure a thread won't move from the top of the first page. The most of those we've had at one time is six.
Stop drafting off my heat: Term coined by JDV; first usage was admonition to Freelance_Hack to not try to curry board favor at JDV's expense.
Swing that .... wide open: Reference made to desire for sexual intercourse with a specific woman, even though you have no chance of accomplishing that drunk at 2 a.m. while about to pass out in your hotel room. Coined at an outing.
Tahoe, 15 minutes from: Used to describe the location of every journalism job in America. It started with a job ad in Fresno advertising itself as that close to Tahoe. If Fresno is that close, then everywhere else in the country is as well.
Terry Haute: failed football star, busted up his shoulder falling from a balcony in Vegas after the Irish mob tracked him down. Hooked up with Shanna Ricahrds, NFL-cheerleader turned prize-winning journalist. Thought they could carry on in private, until someone videetaped them in bed, and sent the tape to her boss.
Thanks for checking in (insert name here): Standard retort when someone posts glowing praise for a colleague.
The Board Has Been Shut Down For Less Than This!!: Pays homage to the Daily News/Boston Globe issues which reportedly closed the original incarnation of this board. Used whenever a discussion gets out of hand. Or whenever Bonnie Bernstein is mentioned.
Third secret of Fatima: A piece of obscure, highly-specialized information that no one has a prayer in hell of finding out this side of a Lexus/Nexus search. Usually applied in the negative sense by a newbie poster impatient that his thread hasn't drawn immediate response, as in "Come on people, I'm not asking for the third secret of Fatima here!"
This sets up the rest of the season nicely: Standard, sarcastic review of latest disappointing episode of "The Sopranos." Used for any drawn-out series.
This thread won't end well: Phrase used after a controversial or inflammatory comment is made, especially one made out of context with the general discussion. It does not apply to this thread ... yet.
Thread-jack: Steering a thread toward a conversation completely different from which it was intended. (See also: Heathers-jack)
Threads of the Year: One of the SportsJournalists.com Award categories:
--2003: Is There Such a Thing as Love?
--2004: Hustle's pregnant ex-girlfriend is an Internet porn model
--2005: The Mitch Albom thread.
--2006: To Come?
Three Guns: SportsJournalists.com's weapons of choice... In case WWIII breaks out... or you meet a woman with three vaginas.
Tim: Former poster who thought no draft could be analyzed until five years had gone by. Was going to wait 5 years to post this.
TMI: Too much information
Toothpaste-covered dick: Attempting to use Colgate toothpaste as lube for buttsex. Made famous by the "non-great" Angola!
Travishamockery: A combination of travesty, sham and mockery. This means something that is bogus, a joke, a sham or a mockery of a given subject. The origin: Miller Light ad with the "King of Beer Campaign" Miller Light guy was all flustered saying it's a travesty, a sham and a mockery. Smush together = TRAVISHAMOCKERY
TSN Mike: The story goes that TSN Mike - a real person, by all accounts a normal, nice guy - one day starts a thread saying he's nuking himself because the board has gone to hell. This was precipitated by a somewhat innocuous hockeybeat thread blasting Coach K. TSN Mike nuked himself because someone started a thread titled: Coach K, STFU.
Twatwaffle: n., adj. Originally lobbed by carrie toward DyePack, it takes the place of fucktard and pathetitard as the most cutting of SportsJournalists.com insults.
Vats of dong: do you really need a definition here?
Vitriol: Ad-hominem attacks on other posters. Used to be more frequent, believe it or not.
Wallace Stevens: showed up posted this:

I placed a jar in Tennessee,
And round it was, upon a hill.
It made the slovenly wilderness
Surround that hill.

The wilderness rose up to it,
And sprawled around, no longer wild.
The jar was round upon the ground
And tall and of a port in air.

It took dominion every where.
The jar was gray and bare.
It did not give of bird or bush,
Like nothing else in Tennessee.

This freaking place blew up after that one.
Webby: God. He officially outed himself as Lucas Wiseman and began discussing his identity on the board Aug. 27, 2007.
Well-played, sir/madam: A term of praise for a particularly deft remark, particularly if it involves an arcane reference to something only all of we pathetic souls remember.
Wedding Crashers: A movie. Not even sure how to describe it's significance; The movie itself has no real significance here, but the Wedding Crashers thread, that's a different story. It started innocently enough. I believe someone started the thread simply to say they enjoyed the film and called it one of the best comedies they had seen in a long time. Several others agreed. Poloponies, who now goes by another name around here, disagreed ... while admitting he had never seen the movie. Of course, several posters questioned that opinion. What followed, to the dismay of everyone, was one of the greatest meltdowns in the recent history of this board. Polo went absolutely apeshit crazy for like two weeks. The Wedding Crashers debate spilled over onto nearly every thread for a long time, as polo stalked a handful of posters from thread to thread. Eventually, to everyone's relief, polo packed up and left for a long stretch.
wfw: Short for "word for word"
What about the children?/ Won't Somebody Think of the Children?: Often heard from a wailing Helen Lovejoy or whiners talking about the decline of society.
What's Post-Padding? Mandatory response by a post-padder when he/she is questioned about why they are post-padding. It is another way to post-pad.
When's Junction Boys on Again?: Standard rejoinder for any ESPN thread, or any nonsensical thread.
WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA!!!!: Used as an example of the never-ending depth of Disturbed's catalogue, particularly during a debate over Pearl Jam's worthiness. It descended into someone saying Pearl Jam sucked but Disturbed was great. Best part was hearing how important Disturbed is because they write songs about child abuse. Cause, you know, Pearl Jam NEVER did that.
Wonderbat: SportsJournalists.com's bat of choice when they play softball. Spokesperson Stephanie registered one night to spam us about this bat. Several threads were started about various aspects of this person. I don't think any of the threads lasted the night.
w00t.com, w00t-off: An amazing site that sells one product a day. Woot-offs occur when a flashing orange light and bar are at the bottom of the page. It goes through a set number of the product and then moves to the next.
www.showmeyourrack.com: Favorite link of a most unlikely poster.
Yank himself a boner: Posted in the 2006 SportsJournalists.com Summer Novel thread. Describes the act of one of the main characters after sending his woman to the bathroom. When she returned, an interesting steroid-related act of lust took place.
YHS: stands for 'your humble servant', the signature sign-off of halfmiler, who posts in the most formal style of any member. See also: friendless, friend of the
You're Grounded: Despite not actually being a moderator, Rosie is the only known SportsJournalists.com poster with grounding powers. Fuck with her at your own peril.
You're hired!: term coined by SportsJournalists.com's king of the lower case, hoops mccann, in response to dorks who, unprovoked, tout their own abilities or ask the openings on job threads; a facetious post given to the over-eager job seekers.
You’re Dead To Me: When someone does something so stupid or something that makes you so mad, you never want to talk to/see them again. Like they’re dead to you.
You're with me, leather: What Chris Berman allegedly said to a woman in black leather in a hotel in Las Vegas, stealing her from a man who had been working on her all night. For more, reference Wikipedia.

 

Re: My n00b Gift

Please add:

Dooley noted: SportsJournalists.com-specific spelling of the common phrase.

 

Re: My n00b Gift - The Ultimate SportsJournalists.com Style Guide

It's in there now

 

Re: My n00b Gift

Also, you can add Dyepack to the permanently banned list.

 

Re: My n00b Gift - The Ultimate SportsJournalists.com Style Guide

What'd he get banned for?

 

Re: My n00b Gift

Impressive, but "box of chopped assholes" needs to be on here as the greatest single line in SportsJournalists.com history.

 

Re: My n00b Gift

What was the 2006 thread of the year?

 

Re: My n00b Gift - The Ultimate SportsJournalists.com Style Guide

Long story. Just take the guy's word for it.

 

Re: My n00b Gift - The Ultimate SportsJournalists.com Style Guide

Was never announced; nor was post of the year.

 

Re: My n00b Gift - The Ultimate SportsJournalists.com Style Guide

It needs a definition, so gimme something good.

 

Re: My n00b Gift - The Ultimate SportsJournalists.com Style Guide

General assholery