The Talk

Last year when my younger son was in third grade, they had something called "family life education." It's not talking about sex, but rather talking about the parts of their bodies. The girls and the boys go to different rooms. They encourage parents to come to school for this so that we have an idea about what they're learning. I did.

The woman leading this discussion had them repeat the parts of the body after she finished talking about each of them. I managed to keep a straight face, but it was very difficult when you hear a bunch of 9-year-old boys in unison saying, "scrotum" and "testes." It was pretty damn hilarious. None of the kids started giggling, which was a surprise.

 

My black sheep uncle once brought some videos to my grandmother's house for the kids to watch, presumably some cartoons. One of the videos turned out to be two people getting their bow-chika-wow-wow on. I got a solid 5 seconds of missionary view before it got turned off (I was 11 or 12).

About two weeks later, my father came up to me and asked me if I remembered seeing the video. He was nervous as all hell, which is odd for him. He used that opportunity to have the most awkward talk the two of us have ever had and that includes the time I shot my sister in the back with a BB gun.......

 

Siblicide!

And yes, I actually looked that one up.

 

And that is why tired posting is bad. Obviously, kissing below the neck.