The Talk

I remember there was a goofy, cartoony book involved, with pictures and such.
I also remember that my mom was rather practical about it all.....her big thing was for us not to get pregnant.
Of course nowadays it's about not getting an STD or AIDS too.

 

On the way up to college the first time my Dad told me "if you go down that road, wear a seatbelt."

Real awkward even though I was 18.

 

All I remember is my dad saying something about semen ... I spent the rest of the conversation daydreaming about little sailors in a submarine.

 

With a new one on the way, my kid, 4, knows all about where babies come from and what they come out of. But now I can see the wheels turning as she tries to figure out how the baby got into mommy's belly.

I've got to figure out how to hold that conversation off for a couple more years.

 

Never really had the talk, but when I was involved with my first real girlfriend when I was 20, my mom and I were talking outside and she said, "Rumple, you know if you don't wrap it, your penis is going to fall off." I looked at her with a blank expression and said "Thanks for the advice Mom."

 

When I was 13, my dad told me no kissing above the neck. That lasted, oh, about three months.

 

Damn, Appgrad05. You were finding the gaps before hitting seeing-eye singles? More power to you.

 

No kissing above the neck?

 

Full House was also a big help. No one wants to end up like Kathy Santoni.

 

I was 11 or 12 and looking for something in the couch one day when I found the birds and the bees book my mom had gotten us. I said "mom what's this?" She said, all somber and serious, "Oh we'll have to wait for your father to get home to go over that."

My father, of course, is shy about ANY sort of conversation, never mind instructing his 12-year-old son and 11-year-old daughter on how babies are made. So we were sitting there and mom goes "well, dad, I thought we should talk to the kids about sex and how babies are made."

Dad, sitting in his recliner reading the paper: "Mmmhmm."

Mom goes into this whole serious spiel about a man and a woman and how this happens and how you should wait until marriage to do the act (I actually don't know if she said that, but given the heart attacks she had when I finally started getting laid at 33 after all the other guys I knew had put hundreds of miles on the ol' pecker, I'm sure she did). My sister and I were like, OK, fine.

Mom: "Anything you want to add, Dad?"
Dad: "Nope."

And that was The Talk. Maybe I'll ask mom if she remembers it when I see my folks this weekend, muahahahha.

 

Do they still keep the book in the couch?

 

Never had a talk of any kind -- sex, drugs, nothing. The reason: "You're smart. You'll figure it out."

And I did. I don't have enough expendable income for either one.