The Talk

Never had The Talk with either of my parents.

My dad wasn't really around in my life around that time, and my mom was always too busy to give me The Talk.

I learned from watching HBO late at night with the volume turned all the way down and from friends who had had The Talk with their folks.

 

My parents were divorced by the time I was old enough to have The Talk. I think my mom gave me some book called "Almost Twelve." But I think I learned a hell of a lot more when I somehow got on the Adam & Eve mailing list. Good times. Very good times.

 

Dad took me aside for The Talk when I was in 9th grade. Of course, I'd been secretly spankin' it to his Playboys and Penthouses for years at that point. And I'd already learned about the biology of it all from textbooks at the local college library. Nice try, dad.

 

Mom used to work in a pharmacy when I was in elementary school. Sometime around 3rd-4th grade, I delveloped the habit of looking at the medical advice brochures they had in the spinning rack, since they featured (really primative) cartoon drawings. All I was trying to do was kill time until Mom got off, but after my parents had a heart attack while seeing me read one on sexual health, they decided The Talk was in order. Not good times.

 

Need a cigarette afterward?

 

Can I do a chazp LOL?

If I may clarify, a nice father/son bonding moment, nothing more.

Oh, hell, let me just quit while I'm behind.

 

This probably deserves it's own thread, or you're talking about a different type of "talk."

 

What talk?

 

Fuckin hilarious.

 

My dad gave me a great sex talk when I was a teenager. He said 'don't be stupid I don't want any grandchildren.' It must have worked because I didn't have any.

Of course, the lack of sex helped too.

 

I remember in grade 8, one of the cool guys said his dad told him, "If you're gonna bang 'em, use a safe".

Still words to live by after forty years.

 

My parents never gave me "the Talk."

I think I learned it from a Very Special episode of "One Day at a Time." Ah, the memories of learning the birds and the bees right along with Valerie Bertinelli.