The Talk

The other day my fifth-grader's class took a trip to the Robert Crown Center for Health Education, and I think those of you from Chicago know what that means.

It means the start of sex ed. (It could mean the drug talk, too, but that was for my third-grader earlier in the year.)

I'm not starting this topic to ask advice on The Talk. As far the mechanics, my kids have watched enough Animal Plant on demand to know how 157 different species do it, and I'm not sure they'll be shocked by anything I have to say because it doesn't involve killing your mate afterward.

I'm starting this so everyone can purge their memories of when they got (or had to give) The Talk. If your mother ever suddenly appeared to your and your friends so she could show you how to put a condom on the banana, or if YOU suddenly appeared to your kids and their friend so you could show them how to put a condom on a banana, feel free to share.

 

I think my folks explained it to me when I was like in second grade or something. All I remember is I promptly forgot it.

I also remember seeing a video on PBS (God that makes me feel old) that my parents taped for me and had me watch several times when I was about 14 or 15. When I got to a health class my junior year in high school, I had to get a permission slip signed by my mother to watch the same film in class.

 

Never had the talk. I picked up the basics somewhere on the playground and then had a sex ed unit in sixth grade science class.

 

I've never been part of The Talk. My parents and I didn't communicate a whole lot more than necessary when I was growing up, so I learned most things -- how to shave (which I didn't need to know until I turned 24), proper etiquette and manners and everything sex-related -- on my own.

I saw my first porno flick at my friend Adam's when I was in sixth grade and asked, "What is she doing?" And I learned from there.

We had sex ed. classes when I was in sixth and seventh grade, which didn't help a whole lot. It was pretty much the older kids -- those who were enjoying their second time around the grade -- making obscene jokes and laughing at "penis" and "vagina" and "rectum."

 

I think my education was along the lines of my dad telling me to watch Caligula on PBS and figure it out from there....

Had the talks with both my sons around when they were 10-11 (prompted by the 5th grade education schedule). Covered the basics as well as condoms, diseases, teenage pregnancies, etc. Fairly pleasant experience all in all, for both sides, I would say.

 

Wow.

 

I grew up on a farm. I think my dad had to explain it to me when I asked why the bull was climbing on the back of one of our cows. I was about 5.

 

My teacher taught me everything I need to know. /poindexter

 

I had two older brothers, so they gave me the heads up on everything from Santa to drinking to sex to how to sneak out of the house at 2 a.m. without waking mom and dad. Plus, we had cable.

 

If only my parents had had The Talk with me. I always wondered why I couldn't hang on to a girlfriend.

 

Now that's quality, FDP (the Poin line)

 

Here was my father's version of the talk:

Me (heading out the door for a date when I was 16 or so): Goodnight!

Dad: Um, well, I've been meaning to ask you, do you have any, um, questions about, um, anything?

Me: No.

Dad: Good.

I did have the talk with my son a couple years ago when we were on a car trip together and he was 11. It was a little uncomfortable for both of us, but I muscled through it.