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The Singing Bee

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Flash, Jul 28, 2007.

  1. dooley_womack1

    dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

    Or Blind Melon's Bee Girl.
     
  2. Johnny Dangerously

    Johnny Dangerously Well-Known Member

    for slappy (and Flash):

    Man: (whistles a bit) Hello. I would like to buy a fish license, please.
    Postal Clerk: A what?
    Man: A license for my pet fish, Eric.
    Postal Clerk: How did you know my name was Eric?
    Man: No, no, no! My fish's name is Eric. Eric the fish. He's an halibut.
    Postal Clerk: What?
    Man: He izzzzz an halibut.
    Postal Clerk: You've got a pet 'alibut?
    Man: Yes. Chose him out of thousands. I didn't like the others; they were all too flat.
    Postal Clerk: You must be a loony.
    Man: I am not a loony. Why should I be tarred with the epithet 'loony' merely because I have a pet halibut? I've heard tell Sir Gerard Depardieu has a pet prawn called Simon -- you wouldn't call him a loony! Furthermore, Dawn Palethorpe, the lady showjumper, had a clam called Stafford, after the late chancellor. Alan Bullock has two pikes, both called Chris, and Marcel Proust had an 'addock! So if you're calling the author of 'A la Recherche du Temps Perdu' a loony, I shall have to ask you to step outside!
    Postal Clerk: All right, all right, all right. A license?
    Man: Yes!
    Postal Clerk: For a fish.
    Man: Yes!
    Postal Clerk: You are a loony.
    Man: Look, it's a bleedin' pet, isn't it? I've got a license for me pet dog Eric, and I've got a license for me pet cat Eric.
    Postal Clerk: You don't need a license for your cat.
    Man: I bleedin' well do and I've got one! Can't be called out there!
    Postal Clerk: There is no such thing as a bloody cat license.
    Man: Yes, there is.
    Postal Clerk: No, there isn't.
    Man: Is!
    Postal Clerk: Isn't!
    Man: I've bleedin' got one, look! What's that, then?
    Postal Clerk: This is a dog license with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat' written in in crayon.
    Man: Man didn't have the right form.
    Postal Clerk: What man?
    Man: The man from the cat detector van.
    Postal Clerk: The loony detector van, you mean.
    Man: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.
    Postal Clerk: What cat detector van?
    Man: The cat detector van from the Ministry of 'howsinge.
    Postal Clerk (mimicking Man's pronunciation): 'ow-zinge?
    Man:It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant. I never seen so many bleedin' aerials. The man said their equipment could pinpoint a purr at four hundred yards, and Eric being such a happy cat was a piece of cake.
    Postal Clerk: How much did you pay for this?
    Man: Sixty quid ... and eight for the fruit-bat.
    Postal Clerk: What fruit-bat?
    Man: Eric the fruit-bat.
    Postal Clerk: Are all your pets called Eric?
    Man: There's nothing too odd about that. Kemal Ataturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul.
    Postal Clerk: No, he didn't.
    Man: Did!
    Postal Clerk: Didn't!
    Man: Did, did, did, did, did and did!
    Postal Clerk: Oh, all right.
    Man: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a fish license?
    Postal Clerk: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one.
    Man: In that case give me a bee license.
    Postal Clerk: A license for your pet bee.
    Man: Correct.
    Postal Clerk: Called Eric? Eric the bee?
    Man: No.
    Postal Clerk: No?
    Man: No, Eric the half bee. He had an accident.
    Postal Clerk: You're off your chump.
    Man: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or even to deny the semi-existence of my little chum Eric the half bee, I shall have to ask you to listen to this. Take it away, Eric the orchestra-leader!
    Eric Idle: A one, two, a one two three four!

    Man (sings): Half a bee, philosophically,
    Must, ipso facto, half not be.
    But half the bee has got to be
    Vis a vis, its entity. You see?

    But can a bee be said to be
    Or not to be an entire bee
    When half the bee is not a bee
    Due to some ancient injury?

    Chorus: La dee dee, one two three,
    Eric the half a bee.
    A B C D E F G,
    Eric the half a bee.

    Man:Is this wretched demi-bee,
    Half-asleep upon my knee,
    Some freak from a menagerie?
    No! It's Eric the half a bee!

    Chorus: Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
    Eric the half a bee.
    Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
    Eric the half a bee.

    Man: I love this hive, employee-ee,
    Bisected accidentally,
    One summer afternoon by me,
    I love him carnally.

    Chorus: He loves him carnally,
    Semi-carnally.

    Man: The end.
    Postal Clerk:´Cyril Connolly?
    Man: No, semi-carnally!
    Postal Clerk: Oh.


    Chorus (softly): Cyril Connolly. (Whistle end of tune.)
     
  3. Flash

    Flash Guest

    Wow.

    P.S. Cats need a licence in Calgary.
     
  4. Johnny Dangerously

    Johnny Dangerously Well-Known Member

    That's Monty Python, by the way. And funnier when you hear it.
     
  5. Cansportschick

    Cansportschick Active Member

    Anyone watching NBC's prime time lineup is in trouble here. :eek:
    In Canada, TVtropolis is carrying it and making it part of its Game Day on August 6th (are you kidding me?)

    Poor Joey, someone should have told him what Dancing with the Stars would resort to in his future career options. ::) He needs a better agent.
     
  6. Dirk Legume

    Dirk Legume Active Member

    Say what you like, but we are having a good time with both this show and "Don't Forget the Lyrics" on Fox. my wife, daughter and myself tend to argue about what the right lyrics are. We don't care about the contestants, wer just want to make fun of each other when we're wrong.


    Ahhhhhh...family.
     
  7. Flash

    Flash Guest


    Well, when you put it like that, OK ... but it's still pretty sad for Joey Fatone when you compare him to ... oh ... say ... Justin Timberlake.
     
  8. Dirk Legume

    Dirk Legume Active Member

    Oh I'll give you Joey as king Tard.

    We we aren't busting on each other we are busting on him. ;)
     
  9. Flash

    Flash Guest

    Ha ha, that's funny. Everybody feels the love when there's a hate-on for Fatone.
     
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