The queens we use would not excite you ...

Ah, play some show tunes and...the tough guys tumble.

 

As perhaps the only sportswriter in America who just spent two years of his life immersed in the rough-and-tumble world of competitive high-school chess (and somehow managed to write a book about it--and that's as gratuitious a plug as I'll give, except, um, perhaps, that it's called The Kings of New York, and it's in bookstores now), I guess its up to me to stand up for the immortal game. Is it a sport? Does it belong on your sports wire? To be honest, I have absolutely no idea. But I spent five years in Akron, and I've covered my fair share of bowling. And not only is chess more stressful and more physically draining, most of the bowlers I've met make the chess players I've met look like Jack LaLanne.
And I'm assuming it's only a matter of time before Tim Rice composes a paean to the ignominy of the 7-10 split.

Michael Weinreb

 

Now that is an artful plug, Michael. Best of luck with the book. ("The Friday Night Lights of high school chess," according to the esteemed Mr. Klosterman.)

You know, it's funny, but when I was reading this story -- which I thought was really good, by the way -- I was thinking, This could make a cool book. And then here's Michael, jamming his bishop up my ass.

Dammit.

 

It's going to take a long time for anyone to top this line: And then here's Michael, jamming his bishop up my ass.

Helluva job, sir.

 

Chess as metaphor, indeed. Well-done, Jones. And one author to another, thanks for appreciating the art of the plug.
But um, not *that* kind of plug.

 

Your path is free and clear to delve into high school knowledge bowls. Or the geography bee.

I wish they had the geography bee when I was younger. My knowledge of African capitals would have garnered me mad ass.

Bangui = bacchanalian sex romp

Lord knows what erotic pleasures Ouagadougou might fetch me.

 

I own the rights to the high school knowledge bowl book. [/alltimeleadingscorerindesaleshsquickrecallhistory]

Four-year varsity starter, two-time league champion.

 

Coming in 2009: Kingpin! The Musical -- with music by Elton John.

(Hey, it could happen.)

 

What he said. Spelling Bee didn't help, either.