The private lives of slasher movie villains

Been watching some of the "Friday the 13th" and "Halloween" marathons on AMC the last couple of weeks, and having seen most of these moves a couple dozen times apiece, started picking apart little bitty pieces from them that seem insane in a real world setting.

For example, what do these killers do in their down time?
These movies are essentially one or two days in their lives. In the early Friday the 13th films, before he became a wandering murderous zombie, Jason Voorhees is a deranged, deformed mountain man who lives in a shack in the woods. It's close enough to civilization that two different people are able to find it after a brief foot chase, and close enough that Jason himself can lug things like doors, sheet metal and bodies back to it.
When he's not on a murderous rampage, which logic dictates is most of the time, does he just sit there in the dark staring at his mother's head? Does he like to cook? He's not a small man, so he's got to be eating pretty well to keep up his superhuman strength.
Does he have a toilet? Where does he take a dump?
When he's wandering around the house, does he always wear his mask? Or is that just for "special occasions"?
Has he ever run across any hunters or hikers in that area? And if so, did he just avoid them or kill them? If the latter, why haven't the Crystal Lake PD or state police searched the area and come across his easy to find cabin? Surely they'd have gotten factual reports of a machete-wielding psychopath living on the outskirts of town. That's not exactly equal to a homeless guy waving his penis at traffic on the list of public nuisances you can live with.

Michael Myers fascinates me even more.
Logically speaking, he only wants (or is only able) to kill his sister on Halloween. So what does he do the other 11 months out of the year? Does he have a normal life and a family somewhere, but get really strange around October 1? If he tries, fails, and comes home, what is November 1 like at his house?
The time gaps in that series also need some explaining. Just taking as canon Halloween parts 1, 2, 7 and 8 (H2O and Resurrection), he spends 20 years on the run but is never caught. It would seem they'd launch a nationwide manhunt for him and plaster his mugshot everywhere, but whatever.
In that time, what did he do with his life? He obviously didn't outgrow the stabby-stabby phase. However, unless he became the world's healthiest, most murderous hobo, it would seem to reason that he got a job somewhere making enough money to at least live comfortably and fund his schemes. He couldn't just murder people and take what he needs for that long without drawing attention to himself.
Is Michael Myers working down at Home Depot, or on the overnight crew at Wal-Mart? Does he own his own business somewhere?
And how does he keep getting these brand new, plain white masks? Wouldn't these things be harder to come by in 1998 than they were in 1978? If he's ordering them off Amazon or eBay by the gross, you'd think it would raise a red flag.

I have questions. I want answers.

 

Rent "Purge."

 

They show Jason's shack in one of the movies, including the dumper.

 

I know they showed a lot more of it in the remake, including a tunnel system that he has to move around the area undetected. Of the originals, it was a prominent part of Part 2.
Just wonder what his home life is like. Are lost hikers to him, what kids playing on the lawn are to old people? Only with more decapitations?

 

You're overthinking these, Batman.
This is a movie franchise whose 3-D entry opens with a disco theme.
Enough said.

 

With Michael Myers, one has to consider which continuity you want to believe.

1. "Halloween" through "Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers"
The first two movies are on the same night, Oct. 31, 1978. From the opening scenes of "Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers" he was in a coma for 10 years and cared for in a federal prison/hospital. From Nov. 1, 1988, until Oct. 30, 1989, he was nursed back to health by a homeless man living under a bridge by the river. Between Nov. 1, 1989, and Oct. 30, 1995, Myers was cared for by Dr. Wynn, who led the Cult of Thorn, in their secret cult hangout.

2. "Halloween," "Halloween II," "Halloween: Twenty Years Later," and "Halloween: Resurrection"
Same as before, first two movies on one night. The he pops up in October of 1998, and who the hell knows? Then he disappears from Nov. 1, 1998, to either Oct. 31, 2001, or sometime between then and Oct. 31, 2002, though it's not explicit about when exactly he finds Laurie Strode in the psychiatric hospital. Either way, movie eight tells us he lives in a sub-basement-type sewer dwelling, living on rat meat.

3. Rob Zombie's "Halloween" and "Halloween II"
After escaping from Smith's Grove and going on his murder rampage, Myers wanders the Midwestern countryside for either a year or two years (depending on which cut of the movie you saw), eating dogs and kicking the shit out of rednecks.

 

The second timeline was more the one I was referring to. The others are fairly clear with how he was spending his time.
I'd assume he spent the years between Halloween II and H20 slathering himself in Noxzema and plotting his revenge on Laurie Strode. But still, 20 years is a long damn time. Was his decision to finally track her down a mid-life crisis?

On another note, Halloween: Resurrection is not a very good movie, but I love the premise of it. Having finally accomplished his life's goal of eliminating Laurie Strode, Michael Myers drops the mic (or the knife, in this case) and retires. He's done. No more killing. He's cool. He's content to live out his days in his ancestral home, eating rats and minding his own business. Maybe he'll even have a normal life once he gets back on his feet.
Sure he's a creepy neighbor, but at least he's quiet and you know you don't have to worry about any stray animals or annoying solicitors in the neighborhood.
And then Busta Rhymes shows up, breaks into Michael's house, trespasses and infringes on his copyright. Just when Michael thought he was out, Busta pulls him back in.
Michael is forced to defend his home and his honor and deal with the threat, and somehow HE'S the bad guy?
Life ain't fair, man.

As for the third timeline, wandering the Midwestern countryside, eating dogs and kicking the shit out of rednecks sounds like some folks' version of the American dream. Well, if you substitute "cows" for "dogs."

 

There's another good thought to ponder. Take the question of "what does Michael do once Laurie is dead?" and apply it to the Rob Zombie films. In the second (particularly the director's cut), it's implied that to "bring them all home" he has to kill Laurie and Loomis, and then ... what? Let the cops shoot him and then decide to finally die as a suicide by cop? I don't know because he only got Loomis. Laurie was still alive, then she got shot by a trigger-happy cop. Technically, the mission was a success, but Michael didn't get the kill.

I think we're thinking about this waaaayy too much.

 

Yeah, that's more in-depth than I need. I just like thinking about Michael Myers as the crankiest neighbor in the world. Or maybe at a barbecue, his thoughts drifting to a happier time in 1978 when he almost had everything he wanted, then the smell of burning hamburgers giving him a 'Nam style flashback to the end of Halloween '78.