1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

The Night Before Christmas (NSFW version)

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by EStreetJoe, Dec 24, 2007.

  1. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    Got this one via e-mail 11 years and it's still a riot for those that like dirty stories... (I apologize in advance if this offends anyone)


    >Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.

    >>>>>> The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.

    >>>>>> The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook,

    >>>>>> It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude,

    >>>>>> Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.

    >>>>>> When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,

    >>>>>> That I lost my boner and momma went dry.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> Up to the window I sprang like an elf,

    >>>>>> Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

    >>>>>> The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,

    >>>>>> Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

    >>>>>> But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

    >>>>>> With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,

    >>>>>> A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite

    >>>>>> And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

    >>>>>> Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,

    >>>>>> Either slow this rig down or I'll cut off your nuts.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,

    >>>>>> Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.

    >>>>>> They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,

    >>>>>> Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,

    >>>>>> As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

    >>>>>> I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,

    >>>>>> When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,

    >>>>>> He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.

    >>>>>> "That was some brothel," he said with a smile,

    >>>>>> "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile."

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> He walked to the kitchen, for himself poured a drink,

    >>>>>> Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

    >>>>>> I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,

    >>>>>> The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,

    >>>>>> But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

    >>>>>> The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,

    >>>>>> The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,

    >>>>>> And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.

    >>>>>> A bra without nipples, a penis extension,

    >>>>>> And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> A fuck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,

    >>>>>> And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.

    >>>>>> "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,

    >>>>>> So I'll leave 'em here, then I'll just split."

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> He filled every stocking and then took his leave,

    >>>>>> With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

    >>>>>> He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,

    >>>>>> Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

    >>>>>>

    >>>>>> In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,

    >>>>>> Saying, "Take me home, Rudolph, the night's been a bitch!"

    >>>>>> The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,

    >>>>>> "The best thing about pussy is that you can never wear it out!"

    >
     
  2. mike311gd

    mike311gd Active Member

    That's a classic piece of poetry, Mr. Joe. I believe I'll tell the family tomorrow morning.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page