The ex dilemma

I'm not saying everyone on this thread is wrong, but I think only you know what's best for you. I'm still very good friends with my ex after she pretty well stomped on my heart.

We didn't talk for about three months and then I called her to wish her a happy birthday. Hanging out together was a bit uncomfortable at first, but it wasn't long before we fell into our old rhythm (minus the fantastic sex).

We became great friends while we were together and, while I wasn't over her when we began hanging out again (I probably never will be to some extent), I decided I'd rather have her as a friend than not in my life at all.

In fact, I think I'll call her on my lunchbreak.

 

I'm going through this right now. The ex and I broke up in April, and I told him I was going to need some time. Our ideas of "time" obviously differed. But we're each at a point now where we were able to have a phone conversation last week. We each kind of apologized for some of the stuff that time had shown we had done, how we had treated the other after the immediacy of the situation had worn off. It was a really good conversation, and went much smoother than either of us had expected.

But we also realized "friendship" isn't really an option right now. So we'll go on with our lives, and if something happens and my first thought is, 'Oh, I need to tell him this' then I can call him. But as I told him that day, we're never going to be best friends again. He was my first option, my only option, the guy I called with everything. That time is past, and it will NEVER come back. I'm not going to call him about any future relationships, and he won't call me. It's just not feasible.

I am friends with exactly one ex, and I dated him when I was 18. There were 4-5 year periods we didn't talk, however, so the feelings died off. Now, he's my friend.

The ex? For better or worse, he's my ex. And I'm not sure I'll ever feel confident in talking about emotional things with him without feeling still somewhat involved. So I just can't.

 

My 2 cents: If you can get over a long-term relationship and move on in a matter of months, count your blessings. And depending on how long long-term was, getting over your former significant other and figuring out your subsequent relationship can be the easy part. There are lots of residual issues that can take much longer than months to get over.

 

Stay single and miserable.

It's much easier.

 

One ex I have nothing to do with. And want nothing to do with. Kinda funny - Ran into a friend of her's over the weekend who obviously was trying to get the scoop on me just to give her an update.

Another ex who I dated last summer briefly - we stay in touch via e-mail. I adore the girl, just think she still needs some more life experience and needs to stop mooching off mommy and daddy.

 

I'm on friendly terms with all of my exes except one (he was crazy), but I didn't interact with them for months after we broke up. Being "friends" right after the break up keeps feelings alive that are better off dying.

 

This is good advice.

 

I'm 1-for-2, but each one was an extremely different and difficult situation.

My first ex and i tried to be friends after a four-year relationship, but the jealousy -- hers and mine -- over the next significant others and the changes I saw in her made things way too difficult to maintain a friendship. I stopped messaging and calling her, and she stopped saying hello to me in the dorm and buildings at college. Over the last three years, we've had one long conversation, and the rest has been messages to her on her birthday and her telling me about the new steps she and her now-fiancee have taken (moved in, engagement).

It's better that way. We fought too much to be friends.

The other one, while we dated only six months, and I are very close -- each others' wedding dates, family affairs -- and speak often. When we split, we still walked to class, sat by each other and worked together at the school paper, but I stopped messaging her. That was real tough, but I thought it was best for me if I took a step back. I still thought we'd have a shot together in the future, and I desperately wanted to get back with her. But she broke things off twice, so I just wanted a little distance to let my feelings fade. They never really did, but it was the right move.

We spoke a little bit over the next summer, our first out of college, then once or twice that winter -- when I helped her get a job. I called her once four months later and sent her a CD for her birthday like I'd done the last year. She got a hold of me that next week, and we've drawn closer ever since. She's one of my best friends and will likely always be.

The friendship can work, but not without some space. Every situation is different. If you really want the friendship, just give her some space. You'll need it, too.

 

Dated the most recent ex for six years. We lived together for three. I broke up with her in February (yeah, fuck you, St. Valentine). Alls I can say .. can't your blessings you don't work together. The ex and I have done considerably well considering we sit as close as five feet from each other some nights, but it also helps that I'm part time there. Still ... the awkwardness that first night in the office together -- when you know everyone knows and is talking -- was quite interesting.

I've since started seeing another ex. We dated eight years ago for about a year. We were in completely different stages of life (her with two years of high school left, me starting school and my career) when we broke up. There wasn't a big fight or serious problems and we still needed time for ourselves. For most of the last eight years, we didn't seek each other out to talk, but we never avoided each other. And if we saw each other, we'd talk. Our friends were never concerned about how we'd be in a group setting. Hell, a couple of our friends were hoping we'd get back together ... and here we are.

I'm not suggesting you make contact with your ex, fake. In fact, I'd suggest avoiding it for a while. The six-year ex and I have talked once by phone, and a few times through e-mail (to figure out the logistics) since February. We've exchanged "hellos" once at work. I don't know if we'll talk again, but only one ex of three doesn't talk to me a year after the break up. We'll see about the fourth.

 

My-ex and I were still in contact through facebook. Not so good. Facebook informed me that she is now dating a line cook from Bdubs. Its cool though, he has a five year plan.

 

It's impossible to be normal friends with someone after you've seen where their poop comes from.

 

Facebook/myspace shit makes it a harder to get over because access to information about that person is so easy to obtain. And a lot of times now that information is given to you in the form of automatic updates. It's there regardless if you're looking for it or not.